With that mixture of recognition and hunger.
Amazement and desire.
Like he can’t believe this is his life. This is his night. This is the guy he’s got straddling his hips with his hard-on teasing between a set of tight cheeks he’s currently imprinting his hands onto.
“Or maybe …” I lean forward and bring my lips to his ear. “I’m just …” I give it a nip. “… a fool …” I go to his other ear. “… foryou.”
“You’re doin’ this on purpose, aren’t you?”
“Doing what?”
“Drivin’ me crazy.”
“What’s the problem? Am I a … love burden? Are you … down bad for me? Are you … about to …” I grind against him. He groans underneath me with such depth, it’s nearly a growl. “… hate me for a reason …?”
His lips part into a smile. “I see what you’re doin’ there.”
“I knowallyour songs now. I’m your number one fan.”
He huffs out a laugh. “What is this? Are we gonna have sex? Or are you interviewin’ to be my discography department head?”
I rock my hips again just to hear that animal noise come out of him one more time. “I’ll take whatever title you’ve got as long as I’m next to you.”
“Oh, you’ll be next to me alright.” He sits up so fast, I nearly fall until he catches me with his strong hands, clutching my hips and pinning me to his lap. My hands fly to his chest, hisheartbeat thrumming under my fingertips. “From now until I’ve got no more songs left to sing, you’re gonna be right there next to me.”
I shake my head with a small, disbelieving laugh.
Then I’m all out of words. Austin, too.
I dive for his mouth. He returns the kiss with equal urgency, like each one he steals could be the last, yet in so many ways tonight feels like our first. The first time he captures me in his arms with all his soul. First time he slides inside me as a boyfriend he never has to hide again. First time we climb toward the climax together with no walls left standing between us …
Like everything we fought for is finally allowed to exist.
Chapter 24.
Austin
I get a call from Cam in the morning.
He saw the concert. Every minute of it. And he was so proud of me, he literally cried. And our former drummer isnotknown for showing any form of emotion on his blank, stony, bearded face. “I saw you up there,” he says to me, trying not to get choked up again. “All of you. And I mean all ofyou, Aus, every part ofyou.”
He tells me if I’m ever in his area, stop by so we can take a trip down memory lane together and he can meet my beau.
It’s such a strange feeling, to have someone.
And to have that someone freely.
To share all of this madness with. To depend on when it’s just one of those days. To call up when I’m sad. Or over the moon. To celebrate my successes with and hold against my body when I just need to feel less alone in the world.
And to hold against my body for other reasons.
Sweaty reasons. Horny reasons.
Or cuddle-in-bed-and-watch-a-bad-rom-com reasons.
I also call Drew at the label, just as I promised Ian I would. He gives me the softest slap on the wrist you can imagine—itfeels more like an attaboy—then tells me what the label is going to do to help support my new direction. I tell him I don’t see it as some new direction or “career pivot” like he and Irene do. I’m just being the kind of artist I set out to be since the start.
In truth, after our “musical mutiny” last night and seeing the power I apparently have over my own following, I think it’s thelabelnow scrambling to do everything in their power to please me.