That means I’ve got about fifteen minutes.
I head downstairs, across the foyer to the guest wing, and into its dark kitchenette. After a deep breath, I finally return Ian’s call.
“Clever of you to call back at this exact minute,” he answers.
“Why? Did I interrupt dinner? Or sex?”
“Dollhouse hour with the little one before she goes to bed,” he corrects me, “which means I’ll be speaking to you sweetly,because we only speak in sweet voices when it’s dollhouse hour, isn’t that right, princess?” The squeaky, unintelligible words of his daughter fill the silence. “Now I’ll ask a question I already know the answer to: are you on a flight back to Nashville tomorrow? Or do I have to send our devoted Rob there in person to box you up and ship you like a repaired amplifier?”
“I’m not goin’ anywhere. I’m on my break with TJ, livin’ my life and being a human being.”
“Living your life and—” He chuckles to himself after mocking my words, then he lets out a sigh. “Alright, alright. You deserve to do that. Y’know what? I really feel like a—” He edits himself. “—a big ol’ silly nincompoop. Here I was, encouraging your two-week spa date, thinking you’d get it out of your system and return back for the rest of the tour refreshed …”
“TJ isn’t somethin’ I’m ‘getting out of my system’, Ian. We’re so much more than …” I suddenly fight for the words. I don’t know why it’s harder to say to Ian, like I’m admitting something bigger than I can handle.
“Oh, why yes, but of course dear,” he says to his daughter—in a voice I’d normally find adorable, but that comes off grating right now—“Iwouldlove a tasty beverage.” I hear his daughter giggle. “You like when I say that?Beverage.”
“Is that supposed to be an English accent?” I ask.
Ian takes a breath. “I know what you want, Chase. I know how I’d treat this as your friend and how I’m currently treating this as your manager are two very different beasts.Beasts!” he repeats in a cute tone for his daughter, inspiring another giggle from her. “I want nothing more than to be high-fiving you, cheering you on … I might even believe you’ve got genuine feelings for this guy.”
“His name’s TJ.”
“TJ.” He sighs gently. “But that’s not the world we live in.”
“It could be,” I say just as reasonably. “I need to trust that you and the label aren’t trying to spin this against him. That you aren’t giving in to this narrative that he’s some groupie who stalked me, or a college-boy fling I’m entertaining on this tour.”
“No. Ofcoursenot. What kind of—lady—do you think I am?” He said “lady” for his daughter’s benefit.
“You know me better than that, Ian,” I go on. “This isn’t just a fling. I’d hoped you would have gleaned that from this whole past month I’ve spent seein’ him. He’s important to me. He’s … themostimportant thing to me right now.” I shut my eyes and lean against the counter, a blinking light from the microwave before my face.
“You think I wouldn’t rather cancel the rest of the tour and spend every night having dollhouse hour with my little princess?” That inspires his daughter to cheerily shout a ton of words I can’t make out. “Our team isn’t perfect. I’m sorry you’re going through this. In an ideal world, no one reacts, no one cares who you shareteawith …” He says “tea” daintily. “… and all this blows over.”
“I know.”
“Call Drew in the morning. I’ll callPrincess Irene… and we will get ahead of this, okay? For your Prince TJ’s sake. Yes, yes, I know, sweetheart,” he says when his daughter shouts something at him, “there are no ‘princes’ allowed in the dollhouse, of course, no, no, whatever was I thinking?”
I close my eyes and pinch my forehead. “I don’t want to take any more of your time up with your daughter. It feels sometimes like Chase Holt’s stolen too much from all of us.” The last sentence comes out choked and under my breath.
Ian hears it. “YouareChase Holt.Andyou’re Austin. If I might leave you with one last thought, perhaps it’s about time you stop separating the two and accept they’re one and the same.”
After we hang up, I stare at the empty screen of my phone for a substantial amount of time.
Letting his last words sit with me.
Affect me.
I lift my eyes to the pavilion, perfectly in view from the small window in front of me in this dark kitchenette. The stars are out, looking like glitter silhouetted by the arching roof of the pavilion. I think about the moment TJ and I spent at the piano on that stage, the song I sang him, and the heated time we enjoyed afterwards.
What if dollhouse hour didn’t have to end?
What if there was no bedtime and we could stay up all night?
By the time I return to TJ, he’s already out of the shower and in his bedroom, chilling on the bed. I’m surprised to see him calm when he looks up from his phone, pleased to see me. “Everything okay?” he asks me.
He’s smart. He knows exactly what I went off to do.
And I respect him too much to keep pulling wool. “I hope so.”