That has me laughing harder. “Something like that. It’s more like an agreement with your kids about staying in bed.”
“I wondered if I was losing my mind. My irrigation boots kept moving just slightly from their spot by the back door. How often do you… borrow them?”
“Anytime I watch them at night.” I reach down and take the last boot off and set it to the side. I’m not sure if the other one fell past us or stayed upstairs.
“Well, let’s get you a pair that fits right and won’t trip you up.” He pulls out his phone and begins to type.
“Are you seriously trying to buy me a pair of boots right now?” I lean over to see his screen. The man is on Amazon.
“Yes. What’s your shoe size?”
“Eight. So, is this going under household expenses?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I’d protest, but this is exactly why we created the budget in the first place. There’s room for the ridiculous, whether that’s his opinion or mine. And I really don’t want to fall down the stairs again.
He shows me a pair, and I nod. Callie will love them on me. They’re black and sleek, but their tan soles will match the safari hat.
He puts his phone away and we fall back into our normal routine, where he goes upstairs and peeks in on the kids, and I gather up my things before we meet up in the kitchen. Per the usual, we keep the large island counter between us as a buffer. I appreciate the physical space now more than ever. The adrenalinfrom my fall is still coursing through me, and I’m a little shaky from being so up close and personal with Liam, though I hate to admit that.
I see he’s bought the bag of clementines and the box of chips for Wyatt’s basketball game, and I grasp onto that as a topic of conversation.
“Thanks for grabbing snacks.”
“No problem. Have you thought more about when Callie goes off to kindergarten?” he asks.
“Yeah. I’ve decided to substitute teach. I’ll be certified, so I’ll make more than a regular sub, and I can follow lesson plans, so I’ll be an asset to the teacher. But on days when I need to be here, I can be here. Would you be okay with that?”
“Of course. I think that’s perfect.” He looks away and then back at me. “Will it be enough for you?”
Will it be enough for me? I really hate that question, because it pokes at something I don’t like to think about. It is enough for me. More than enough. But when I think of other people judging it, my life feels small. I put my career on hold for these kids, and I did it gladly. I could always go back to teaching full-time, but I’m not in any hurry.
“I know it’s not the most glamorous job,” I finally say.
He quickly holds his hand up to stop me. “That’s not what I meant. Whether it’s my two kids or a whole classroom, you’re the best influence anyone could have. I’m grateful for you, more than you’ll ever know, but I don’t want my gratitude to trap you here if you need to be somewhere else, doing something else. I guess what I’m saying is… don’t let….” He runs both hands through his hair, which is a lot more unruly than when he first got here. It’s been a wild last ten minutes.
I can’t help filling in the words he can’t find. “You don’t want me to go, but you’d figure it out if you had to?”
He smiles. “Yeah. I hope you’ll always be in their life in one form or another. But you never know. You might decide it’s time to become an astronaut.”
“That’s my backup plan if the substitute teaching doesn’t work out.”
“Solid.”
I’m glad he’s teasing me. It’s easier than admitting I’m not interested in an ambitious backup plan. Being a nanny fulfills me. But am I destined to leave my heart with every family that takes me in? I don’t know if I’m built for that. I’m so lost in thought that I almost miss his next words.
“We can’t keep you forever. You might get married and move away.”
“So could you.”
We stare at each other for a beat, and it’s a different tension than on the stairs. I don’t see him scanning my face to make sure I’m okay. I see things being said that neither of us dare acknowledge aloud.
If he wasn’t at least a little bit attracted to me, he wouldn’t keep a whole island counter between us out of respect to his girlfriend. And if I wasn’t at least a little bit attracted to him, I wouldn’t keep agreeing to the most atrocious blind dates set up by my less-than-discerning sister. I have another one next weekend.
“How was your night out?” I ask.
He shrugs and lets out a long breath. “Not good. Maggie and I broke up. Tonight. Not six months ago. You’re getting breaking news.”