And I do.
“Ooh, so I won’t have JJ and that new prospect eyeing me up?” I laugh.
“They did that?”
I reach for him. “Relax, I’m kidding. Nobody dares say boo to me, thanks to all of you. But I think I’d like that. Does it mean I get to wear a cut that says: “Property of Sawyer?”
He blanches, blinking a couple of times. “You’d wear that?”
“If it’s good enough for Deanna, then yeah.”
Some of the women wear them, some don’t. I get the misogyny behind it, truly I do. But nobody is making anyone do anything by force. I want everyone to know who I belong to.
“You’d wear my cut?”
Smiling, I lean farther toward him. “I love you, I don’t care who knows it.” I press a kiss against his lips and he kisses meback. It’s quick; we are at a cafe owned by a club member, after all.
You never know who’s watching. I half expect Manny to pop up out of nowhere, clapping and saying, ‘Took you long enough!’
“I love you too, so say you’ll be my ol’ lady.” He looks so earnest that it makes tears well in my eyes.
It prompts me to ask, “Sawyer, what’s wrong?”
He shakes his head. “Nothin’.”
“Don’t lie to me. You always look down when you can’t speak the truth.”
“I’m not lyin’,” he says, his eyes finally meeting mine. “But I have my insecurities.”
“Like what?” I’m trying to be as gentle as I can, knowing how vulnerable he can be. I love we can be like this and talk to each other, which is why I value our friendship so much.
“I-I’m afraid of people leaving.”
His words sting me like I’ve been hit by surprise. I’m so stupid! I should’ve known this was one of his hang-ups, and here I am, making it all about me.
“Sawyer, I’m sorry, I didn’t think.”
He waves me off. “You didn’t do anythin’, Princess, it’s me. It’s always me.”
“No, that isn’t true,” I say, annoyed. “I made this about me and I didn’t think about how you could be feeling after everything that happened.”
He clears his throat. “My family left town. They didn’t want to, but when my mom met Chris, he got a good job. The cops basically told her it was a matter of finding my remains. They assumed I’d either run away or come to some grizzly demise. It was bleak.”
“Sawyer, that’s awful.”
“Mom didn’t want to leave, this was almost a decade later, I might add. But she couldn’t do it anymore in the same house,and I get that. She always thought I’d just turn up one day. My dad was still alive then, and he convinced her to go. I wasn’t dumb enough to think they’d forgotten about me. I knew the pain I’d put them through. They thought I was dead, not Joel, though.” Joel is Pipes, his brother. He smiles. “And you know the story about Ryder bein’ Chris’s son.”
I sigh. Yep, I’ve heard. “That goddamn mafia has a lot to answer for. All they did was ruin everyone’s lives.”
“A big feud wiped out most of them some time ago. Regi got kicked out before it all went down, so I guess that’s why he’s still breathin’.”
“I can barely keep up,” I admit. “But if you’ll talk to Cash, that would make me feel like I’m really helping.”
I’ve never asked permission for anything. I’m my own person. But it’s different with Sawyer. I know he just wants to protect me, not own me. Me wearing theProperty of Sawyercut was my idea. And I’ll wear it with pride. He’s just as much mine as I am his.
“I’ll talk to Cash and the brothers, then go from there, okay?” He reaches over and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. “And you also gotta remember you know nothin’.”
I pretend to zip my lips. “Okay.”