“Once I’m done here, I’ll get you a bowl.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call.” I wave my fingers at her and it’s then she notices my bloodied hands.
“Sawyer!”
I glance down, my mouth pulling to one side. “Oops.”
“Oops? Your knuckles are split and bleeding!”
“It happens.”
“It happens when you act impulsively, Jesus, look at this.”
I give her a lopsided grin. “Aww, you care about me.”
Another eye roll. “Duh.”
“You said you wouldn’t get mad.”
“I don’t think I agreed to that.”
She gets some fresh water, then cleans my knuckles. It stings like a bitch, but all I can focus on is her and how lovely she is, even when she’s mad.
“So, what happened at work was a good start to the day?”
She bites down on her lip as she concentrates, freeing it to answer me. “Yep. I mean, a raise is nice, especially after all the overtime I do and the responsibilities I’m taking on. Those boys have it pretty good.”
I grin, wincing again because I keep forgetting about my lip. “They do.”
“And another thing, all this training that I’m going to be doing? Those new girls better be taking notes because me and Erica have spent a good amount of time this last year making sure customer service is our top priority.”
The guys are hiring two new people, one to replace Erica for her maternity leave, and the other for my position so I can focus more on the back office duties. The business is booming and I tend to agree I’m wasted just sitting on the reception desk. I want to do more.
“I’m sure you have it under control.” I love hearing her talk.
“We’ve worked hard, always reply to emails the same day, and follow up on quotes. In fact, that reminds me, I have to talk to Erica about putting together a schedule that they have to follow, that way, things won’t get missed,” she says. “Protocols and policies, things like that.”
“Great idea.”
“Though Brew won’t want Erica doing shit for much longer. She’s getting pretty uncomfortable. It’s an amazing thing having a kid, but I can safely say I’m just not cut out for it.”
“You don’t want kids?”
She meets my eye once more. “No. Is that wrong to say?”
“Not at all. It’s honestly refreshin’. Nothin’ wrong with knowin’ what you want and what you don’t want.”
“It isn’t that I don’t like kids, I do, well,someof them. I’ve just never really thought motherhood would be in the cards. I can barely look after myself, let alone a tiny, defenseless human.”
“I don’t know, your kids would be cute.”
She scoffs. “Cute, yes. Sassy, uh, huh. Smart, no doubt, but I just don’t have that motherly instinct, ya know? Perhaps some of us just aren’t made that way.”
I don’t know why relief floods through me. That’s weird. I mean, I’ve nothing against kids either, I love kids, in fact, they always flock to me. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen the cruelty and evil in this world, and I’d never subject another human being to a place like this, regardless of the good people in it. There are good people, but I’d live in a constant state of anxiety, which is selfish, a curse almost. I feel as if sometimes this life is like living in purgatory, or something pretty damned close.
“What about you?” she asks when I don’t say anything. “Do you want kids?”
I shake my head. “Not sure I’d be a good dad. Serial bachelorhood suits me fine.”