I wonder what she really knows about me. I know people talk. It’s not a secret what happened to me. It’s also not a secret how fucking good she smells with the scent of my shampoo in her hair and my soap on her skin. She’s fucking perfect.
When I hear the lull of her breathing, I know she’s asleep. “I love you, too.” I kiss her hair. “Never think I don’t.”
We lie in each other’s arms, and I’ve never felt such peace in my entire existence.
CHAPTER
FOUR
Nova
I wake up with a jolt. For a second I take a beat to remember where I am and why I’m so hot. Then it all comes flooding back.
Last night.
The rescue.
Sawyer’s bed.
I face away from Sawyer; his arms are wrapped around me. It feels nice. My t-shirt rode up in the night and barely covers my ass. I’m not even going to pretend that isn’t his wood pressed up against my lower back, and it makes my pussy sing.
I didn’t think it would be difficult being in bed with Sawyer, but I’m not completely clueless; I’ve got eyes, I can see he’s hot. His body is a freaking temple, and I know I peppered him with questions about his love life, but I don’t know all that much about any personal stuff because he’s always at work, or somewhere else other than the clubhouse. That’s why I wanted to know about the sweet butts. If he doesn’t do it there, where does he do it? And how does one have sex when Sawyer doesn’t like to be touched.
I’m not gonna lie, I like the idea he doesn’t find them attractive. I don’t even know why they have that grossed out tradition, anyway. Women should have a little more self respect, but I shouldn’t be judging; the life I’ve lived thus far hasn’t always been rosy. I don’t blame them for wanting to belong to something, or someone.
I guess I’ve always been a bit of a free spirit in that way, and I don’t apologize for it. I’ve long since realized I don’t need a man in my life to make it complete. Eventually, maybe I’d like to date again, but I’ve come so far this last year that I’d never give up my freedom or values for a guy. Not gonna happen.
The last time Bobby beat me, I took off. I knew if he ever found me I’d be dead, and the only reason I’m not is because I got arrested and his stash was in my bag. I believe he planted it there, but I can’t prove anything. What annoys me the most is how I believed all his bullshit. Why was I so gullible? Of course, he was charming in the beginning. Aren’t they all? Then his true colors showed, and by then, I was in denial.
I thought I was made of tougher stuff, but I’ve come to realize that with matters of the heart, I’m clearly a bit of a sap. That’s why I like being single. I don’t have to think about a man andhisneeds or whathewants. I’m living for me, and if someone wants to date me, then they’d better come up to the standard I’ve set myself, because I refuse to go back.
I frown when Sawyer stirs, his hand shifts and moves up over my breast.Holy mother of God.
He cups me, squeezing as my eyes roll back and I swallow hard.Man, that feels good.
I know he’s asleep because A. Sawyer would never touch me like that, not without asking,even then… B. The rise and fall of his breathing shouldn’t be so familiar to me, but it is. He’s in a deep sleep.
I let my mind wander to what it would feel like if he just slipped inside of me and we stayed like that.Holy shit. Why?Why would I freaking do that to myself because I’m already getting slick between my legs? Then I let my mind really wander. I’d let him touch me under the t-shirt, flicking my nipple until I couldn’t stand it anymore and I’d beg for his mouth on me. Sucking. Nipping. Licking.Yes. I could handle that. I could handle anything my beautiful Sawyer has to offer. Not that it’ll ever happen. He had the perfect opportunity last night to undress me, and he didn’t. He didn’t do any of that.
Holding me in his arms was a mixed bundle of torture and frustration. I’m still a woman, and I still have needs. Needs that my bullet have been providing more and more frequently. Part of finding myself again was staying away from guys and one-night stands. I haven’t had that many, but enough to make me realize that what I really want is love.Someday.
I want somebody to lie like this with me, cuddling together, feeling warm and safe. But that doesn’t exist because Sawyer is damaged, just as I am. In my world, I fantasize about my best friend. I know he likes me, but not the way I like him. I encourage him, and I flirt, I can’t help it. When Sawyer kisses me, I forget about anything else going on in the world. He takes every single problem and minimizes it just by listening and being there. He’s sweet: coming to get me, making me Pop Tarts and letting me crash in his bed. I don’t feel worthy of him…
I gasp when his thumb brushes over my nipple.Oh my god.
“Sawyer,” the words slip out. I slap a hand over my mouth, not wanting this to be over. I don’t want to wake him up. I want him to keep touching me.
I want to make him feel good too, but I fear that can’t happen. Sawyer is a closed book when it comes to affection. He lets me wrap my arms around him, cup his face, and kiss him. Heck, I’ve sat in his lap once before, too, but I’ve neverdone anything more. His body is off limits, and while that is wildly frustrating, I also understand. My body was off limits too, but that didn’t stop people I trusted from taking it when they wanted.
No, Nova. Don’t ruin it.
I close my eyes, not wantingthosehaunting memories to return. I know I should wake him—he’d be mortified to find out he’d manhandled me, but I can’t help it. In my dream, he’d move that hand lower, cupping my pussy as he plays with me and brings me to orgasm so quickly, just with rubbing.
“Yes,” I whisper when his thumb moves again, back and forth.I am going to come.
He has the ability to do just that, and then I’d really have to try and be quiet. I don’t mean to, but I lean back, my ass accidentally grinding against his cock as I do. My eyes spring open. I didn’t even peek last night when he was getting changed, but something tells me Sawyer would have a perfect dick to go along with his perfect body. I feel like I’m in paradise. Never have I been more frustrated than I am right now, and I’m in Sawyer’s bed while he sleeps.
What I would give for just one touch. A finger trailing down those gorgeous pecs, all the way past his chiseled abs and into that tuft of hair that leads down to his cock. My, my, that is a pleasant thought…