I can't.
I wheel myself out of her room without a word. Down the hallway. Away from her.
My hands shake on the wheels.
What the fuck was that?
A kiss on the cheek. Nothing. A gesture. The kind of thing people do every day without thinking.
So why does my chest feel like it's caving in?
I push harder. Faster.
Pietro's office is on the other side of the compound. I know the route by heart. Could navigate it blind.
But tonight the hallways feel longer. The shadows deeper.
Something is wrong with me.
There's a pressure building behind my eyes. A tightness in my throat that won't ease no matter how many times I swallow.
I stop in the middle of the corridor.
My hands grip the wheels until my knuckles go white.
The feeling rises from somewhere deep. Somewhere I buried years ago. Decades ago.
It hurts.
Not my legs. Not my back. Not any of the places that usually scream at me.
This is different.
This is worse.
My vision blurs.
No.
No, no, no.
I blink rapidly. Force the sensation back down.
But it won't stay.
It claws its way up my chest. Wraps around my throat. Presses against the backs of my eyes with relentless pressure.
I'm going to cry.
The realization hits me like a bullet.
I'm going to fucking cry.
I haven't cried since I was a boy. Since my father beat the tears out of me and told me Sartori men don't weep. Since I learned to lock everything away in a box so deep even I couldn't find it.
But she found it.
With one kiss on the cheek.