“You also give good sperm. Just look at her. She’s gorgeous.”
Drew immediately propped himself up on his elbow, attempting to cover Harriet’s tiny ears with his huge hands as he looked up at me. “Ayda! We don’t talk about the S. P. E. R. M in front of my daughter. I don’t want her to know what that is until she’s at least a hundred and eight.”
I playfully rolled my eyes and dropped my head lower, pressing my lips to her chubby little cheek. “She doesn’t know what I’m saying. Do you, sugar?”
Harriet gurgled again, kicking out both of her legs as her eyes moved about the ceiling, occasionally darting to me when I gave her more kisses. I was addicted to the baby smell of her. It was so unique and clean.
“How many more do you think you would want?” I asked, suddenly curious. I’d been a mother less than a week, and I wasn’t willing to give up these little moments yet. The thought of her growing up was almost soul-crushing. “Babies, I mean.”
“Right now, I feel like I’ve got so much love inside of me, I could father a hundred tiny babies.” His hand glided over her delicate little tummy. “Seeing you as a mom is, without a doubt, the sexiest thing in the world to me. I don’t know how many I want or how many we’ll have. All I know is that this isn’t the last time. I already want to do this again with you, if that’s what you want, too.”
“I really, really do,” I said gently. “Life’s funny, isn’t it? Two years ago, I wasn’t even sure I wanted kids. Now…?” I glanced down at Harriet. “A week, and I can’t imagine life without her.” When I glanced up and found his eyes again, all I couldsee was love there. “And you… seeing you with her is possibly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life, Drew. I feel so happy sometimes, I think I’m losing my mind. You, this house Harry gave us, Harriet… all I need now is a dog and a pony.”
He looked at me for a moment, his eyes searching mine. “I used to think that what goes around comes back around, you know. I believed that, so in a way, I think I had my whole life mapped out in my head when I walked out of those prison doors. I’d come back to Babylon, cause more trouble, make a stand, and live my life chasing my own ass all over the place. Now I’m starting to think it doesn’t work that way. What goes around doesn’t have to come back to you. Sometimes it just goes because it needs to go. It needs to get out of here so you can live a better life. Every day since we got married, I wake up next to you, and I feel that this is how life is meant to be. The last year with you has been the only year I’ve truly lived, and if you’re losing your mind, I’m right there with you, Ayda. I may still be the president of The Hounds, but I’m more than that now. I’m a different version of Drew Tucker. I can’t wait to get home to you and Harriet. I can’t wait to go to bed… sober. Everything I once loved is insignificant, replaced by things I never knew I could crave.” He reached over to trail a finger up and down my bicep. “So, if my girl wants a dog and a pony, I’ll find a way to get her them, because I need you to feel full like I do.” He smiled. “But you’re picking up their sh…” He trailed off, glancing down at Harriet.
I started to laugh, unable to help myself.
This man, who had always dropped his expletives so freely, now watched every word he said in front of a week-old baby. It was possibly the most adorable thing I’d ever seen, but I didn’t say that aloud. Instead, I scooped Harriet up and laid her face down on his chest before wriggling under his arm. When she’d been born, she’d almost looked like a little oldlady, all wrinkles and frowns. Now she was coming into her own, and I loved seeing the parts of her that belonged to Drew. When they were laid together, Harriet on his chest like this, it was a double-Drew stare. She had the same shaped eyes as him, the same dark hair, and when she had gas, she looked like she had his signature smirk.
“Right now,” I said gently, resting my head on his shoulder. “I just want to stay like this. Imprint it all into my memory.”
Drew ran his hand down Harriet’s back, his other arm wrapping around me as he kissed the top of her head and rested his mouth there. “Then let’s stay like this a little while longer,” he whispered.
I didn’t fear the future anymore, and I didn’t worry about the unknown. Life would always test us, but with Drew by my side, I knew I was ready to take it all on. I was ready to fight because I’d had a taste of happiness, and I wasn’t ever going to let it go.
Drew was my forever, and maybe every forever that followed.
DREW
One Last Round
“Who the hell are you, and what the fuck are you doing with my brother?”
Those were the first words Ayda ever said to me.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going? Hey, we’re not finished here, dude.”
“Yeah, we are, sweetheart.”
“Do not walk away from me!”
“You have no idea who I am, do you?”
“That’s Drew Tucker, Ayda. Shut the fuck up.”
The memory made me smile every time I thought about it. Her smart mouth mixed with my bad attitude had equaled one hell of a life.
“We have some fantastic humble pie, or apple if you’d prefer.”
I remembered her face that day in the diner so clearly. She was tired, a little broken, and I was a fucked-up mess who’d decided I needed to feed off those who were suffering more than I was.
A petty man. A man I no longer recognized as I drove our Ford Explorer toward The Hut with Harriet strapped up in her car seat, the two of us heading to meet Ayda who had been instructed to take a girly day with Autumn and the others.
She’d left us that morning in our home away from The Hounds. It was a home I never expected to have. A private space among the trees with a wraparound porch and plenty of land for me to convert into play space for Harriet and any other kids we may be graced with. Ayda loved it, saying it reminded her of a more secluded version of her parents’ home—a place she hadn’t realized she’d missed as much as she had until Harry had gifted us with his generosity, even in death.
I’d kissed her goodbye that morning, assuring her that I’d be fine with our daughter. The two of us would miss her, sure, but she needed to remember who she was besides a mother and a wife. With her hair thrown up in a messy bun, a loosewhite tank, and a pair of light blue jeans, she’d walked out of that house looking sexier than ever. She was barely recognizable from the woman I’d first stumbled upon thanks to her brother. She seemed freer, like she was where she was always meant to be.
Now, I was taking Harriet to see her many uncles and grandpa—a group of big, burly men who turned to mush the moment she looked up at them with her sparkling blue-green eyes. Eric had taken a room at The Hut permanently, and Tate had insisted he stay with the men, knowing full well that Ayda and I would be living in both homes on and off whenever the mood struck us. My room, bathroom, and office were still ours and ours alone, and no one batted an eyelid when we’d carried a bunch of baby things in there to make it Harriet’s as much as ours.