“Yes,” I muttered.Fuck.“I think I would have lied too in her situation.”
Ma hummed quietly, the sound of dishes clanking in the sink a familiar accompaniment to our conversation, Homesickness washed over me—for my family, for Colorado, for a place where I didn’t have to code-switch. I missed normalcy. I missedEva.
“Ma, I fucked up.”
“There’s very little that can’t be fixed in this world,” she said softly, more kindly than I deserved.
“I don’t know how,” I whispered.
Her laughter rang out, bright and cheerful. “Oh, Tristan. Start by saying you’re sorry.”
“It’s not that simple,” I answered, resentfully. “She?—”
“She what, Tristan? She owes you an apology too? Is she a toxic person who lies and plays games?”
“Never,” I snapped before I could even think about it. “She’s so fucking good and smart and?—”
“Uh-huh,” Ma said, and I could hear the smile in her voice.
“I hate it when you’re right,” I sighed, smiling right back at her, even if she couldn’t see me.
“Do you want to fix this?” she asked. “Do you want to be with her?”
“Yes,” I answered.Unequivocally.
“Then it sounds like you’ve got some work to do.”
Dammit.
By the time I’d showered and put my gear away, my head had cleared. Eva was the one who’d told me she didn’t date, who’d pushed me away until I took away her ability to do so. She’d tried to protect me, and I’d been too fucking stupid to see it.
Me
Hey
Me
Did you make it home okay?
She didn’t answer. Why would she? I’d find her tomorrow and apologize, grovel, if that’s what it would take.
She deserved better.
I knew that.
Thank god,sheknew that.
3
COLE
Eva’s betrayalsat bitter on my tongue, rotting in my gut like poison. Every breath tasted like ash. Every heartbeat was a furious protest against the fucking injustice.
She knew.
She fuckingknew.
She knew what an asshole my father was. She knew what he’d done to me as a child. I’d laid in her arms and poured my fucking heart out, and she’d given him everything he needed to destroy me anyway. My chest cracked open, ribs spreading wide to let the agony pour in. Christ, I couldn’t breathe around it, couldn’t think past the white-hot fury and devastating hurt that crashed through me in waves.