“You don’t have to do this,” I murmured, even though I knew he had even fewer choices than I did.
“I want to,” he said fiercely.
“You want to give up the only thing you’ve ever wanted?”
Cole snorted and pressed his cheek against the top of my head. “You know what I want more than playing in the NHL? For you to be safe.”
“Don’t.” I shoved at his chest. “Don’t you dare make me responsible for this. You love hockey. Youneedit.”
“Not as much as I need you alive.” He dragged me down to the bed, forcing me to straddle his lap. “This is a choice I’m making for me, and he can’t touch it. We have to remove his leverage over us, and this is the only way to do it, just like Alek had to quit. We have to take away my father’s power, or he’ll destroy everyone I—” He cut himself off, jaw working.
“Everyone you what, Cole?” I wanted to hear those words so badly.
“Everyone it’ll hurt to lose.”
I pushed a strand of blond hair out of his face, revealing eyes that were too clear, too certain. “Stop lying to me.”
“I’m good at it, aren’t I?”
“Cole—”
“You want the truth? Fine. I’m fucking terrified. I’m terrified of what he’ll do to you, and what he’ll make me do. I’d rather rip out my own heart than let him use me to hurt you again.”
“I hate this.”
“I know.” His hand slid up my thigh, possessive and cruel, exactly how I liked it. “Hate it all you want, sparrow. I’m still gonna make sure you remember exactly who you belong to.”
“Fuck you.” But I was already leaning in, pressing mymouth to his, like somehow, I could stop him from leaving if I kissed him hard enough.
Cole surged up to meet me, his kiss bruising and desperate, saying all the things he couldn’t say out loud. He bit my lower lip until I gasped then stroked his tongue into my mouth, claiming it.
“Fuck, sparrow,” he moaned into my mouth, his hands clutching at my back and my hip, tugging me close, as if he wanted to crawl inside my skin. Too fucking late—he was already there. “I can’t do meaningless today. I know you want?—”
“I love you,” I said softly.
His entire body tensed. His eyes jerked to mine, wide and nervous and scared. “Eva?—”
“I love you, but I can’t trust you,” I continued, a tear dripping down my cheek.
He opened his mouth, and I pressed a finger against his lips.
“Don’t,” I breathed. “Don’t say something you’ll regret tomorrow, when you break my heart again.”
Cole held my eyes for too fucking long then nodded. “Give me tonight, then,” he rasped against my finger, instead of promising me he’d never hurt me again.
When I didn’t say anything, he caught my hands and brought them together behind my head, snagging something, I couldn’t even tell what, so he could tie them together.
“Gonna mark you up,” he muttered against my throat. “Gonna make sure every time you look in the mirror, you see proof that you’re mine.”
Cole lifted me, and I squeaked with surprise, momentarily panicked, before relaxing into his hold on my hips. “I’ve got you, princess. I promise.”
He laid me out on the bed with my hands still bound, resting above my head on the wooden bed frame. “Comfortable?”
I tested the bonds, felt the bite of fabric against my wrists. I shrugged. “Could be more comfortable.”
His incredulous laugh lodged in my chest like warm honey. “Yeah?” He knelt between my legs and carefully worked my sweater up and over my chest until it was another tool to bind my hands together. “Fuck, you’re so goddamned perfect,” he murmured as he reached behind me to unhook my bra, pushing it above my head.
He leaned back on his heels, his gaze dragging over me with an intensity that took my breath away. One finger traced up from my waistband to my surgical scar, following the T-shape with reverence before sliding down to circle my nipple, watching it peak under his touch.