“You’re very kind, Ryder. I am growing quite fond of you.” He probably wouldn’t have said that if he were sober, but he wasn’t, and he thought it was okay. He let Ryder help him into the car and rolled his eyes when Ryder even put a hand on his head so he didn’t hit it getting in.
He’d needed it, too, which made him giggle like an idiot. God, he was a mess.
“Listen to you. You might oughta have a sip or two a little bit more often. It’s probably good for your stress levels.” Ryder didn’t sound like he was making fun, which was good because that was the last thing he needed right now.
Instead, Ryder’s voice read to him as fond—not amused, but warm.
The term he was searching for was warm.
He felt that way quite a bit about Ryder, that there was a genuine warmth to the man that he didn’t quite understand.
Not yet.
And he certainly wasn’t going to learn anything in his condition.
“Are you suggesting that I drink more often?” He raised an eyebrow, or tried to, and grinned at Ryder. “Or that I have anything to be stressed about?”
Nothing at all. He’d just lost his husband, whatever could he be stressed about?
He’d been to a party. He’d seen the evil ex. He’d seen his friends—not as part of a couple but as a single guy.
Except he hadn’t been, had he?
He’d been there with Ryder on his arm, confident and sure, friendly. The man was a total package.
“No, sir. I’m saying that, every now and again, having a glass of wine or a beer makes you a better person. You’ve had a ton of change in your life recently. That shit’s stressful, pardon my French.” Ryder sounded like he knew what he was speaking of.
“I speak fluent French, you know. That is not French. But it’s pardoned anyway. I’d like to be a better person so remind me of this talk when I’m sober.” He leaned back and closed his eyes. It was a lot and he was tired. So damn tired.
“You don’t worry about it, Mister Charlie. You’re all right. I got your back.” A soft chuckle wrapped around him. “You mind if I put on some music?”
He waved one hand. He didn’t care so long as it wasn’t awful, and he could always turn it off.
He knew how.
The soft, gentle country song started playing, low and easy, Ryder just singing along.
“Mm. That’s nice. You have a good voice. I bet you like karaoke. Don’t ask me to sing. I’m terrible.”
“I have sung before, yes, sir. Roper and I sang a lot in different bars. We were even in choir in high school.” That drawl was deepening, smoothing out.
Charles thought it was a bit like being wrapped in a warm, puffy comforter—not too heavy, not too hot. Just perfectly held.
“What’s it like, having a twin?” It was an odd question for his hour and probably too personal, but he wanted to hear Ryder talk some more.
“I don’t know. I mean, I’ve never not had a twin. This is the longest that I’ve ever spent without seeing him. I don’t know how to even explain how weird this is. We’ve literally been together most every day for damn near thirty years. It’s like having your best friend with you forever—since the beginning.We literally share DNA.” It almost sounded like Ryder was tearing up. “Until I moved here, I could count on two hands the number of times I’d slept in a room by myself.”
“Oh my goodness, I had no idea you were working through all of that. I’m so sorry. You must miss him terribly. Please let me know when you plan to see him next. I will have my travel agent take care of you.” That was the least he could do for Ryder considering how good Ryder had been to him.
“He’s on the road, but if he comes close to us, I’ll ask for time off.” An icy cold bottle of water was pressed into his hand. “The top’s off. Be careful.”
“Thank you.” He took a long drink, letting the cold water ground him as it landed in his stomach. “Oh. That’s nice.” He turned to Ryder, admiring the way the crisp shirt stretched just a little across the cowboy’s chest. “You know, I told Brady I didn’t think I needed company. I was so wrong.”
“You seemed like you were damn lonely. Folks aren’t meant to be all alone.”
“Alone and lonely aren’t always the same thing.” He’d thought a lot about that while Tad was in a coma. “I’ve been lonely for a long time, just not alone. I could handle the one by itself, but both is tougher than I expected.”
He’d had way too much to drink, and he needed to stop talking. He took another sip of his water and looked out the window, but all he could see were streaks of light as they drove uptown.