“So, let’s find a quiet bar where we can sit and talk. You and me.” He could be sort of reasonable. “They do make those, right?”
“Yeah. Quiet-eranyway.” Hudson reached around him and slid a hand into his back pocket. “You want to talk?You?”
“You and me talk. We talked a lot; it was just in the bed.” Jack didn’t let any of the other guys spend the night.
“I’m not mad. I’m just… trying to figure you out, man.” Hudson stopped walking and pointed to a pub. “Try in here?”
“Sure.” That was way better—simple, quiet, beer and whiskey and bar food. Perfect.
It wasn’t a library, but they’d be able to hear themselves think, and the booth they were seated in was comfy and private. They ordered beer and were given menus. Hudson sipped his beer and leaned back in his seat. “Is this better?”
“Yeah. I can hear you. That’s good for me.” Suddenly, he felt like an old cowboy, but he wasn’t. He was just… not loud.
“I like that bar. I’m sorry it wasn’t your thing. I guess I should have known better, but I figured since you were here you’d want to see where I hang out and meet some people.” Hudson ran his finger around the lip of his glass.
Well, shit. He didn’t want trouble, but he wasn’t sure how anyone met anyone in there, unless it was for fucking. “I don’t mind meeting folks.”
“I will say, I was surprised you outed yourself to Eli.” Hudson smiled. “That was kind of nice, to be officially together for a minute. I… I understand your boundaries, Jack, and I’ve always respected them. But… I don’t think I want to anymore.”
Huh. What did that mean? “You don’t want to what, darlin’?”
“I don’t want to be respectful of your boundaries anymore. I want more. I have time. I can be where you are way more often.” Hudson reached for his hand. “I want more than Anaheim, Jack. A lot more.”
Well, he thought he understood that. “You know I ain’t easy, don’t you?”
Because he wasn’t. He was in a space in his life where things were changing, and it wasn’t coming simple.
Hudson chuckled. “What’s so hard? You travel with a sport I love? I know you have a man in every port, or whatever, but when we get together, I know I’m different than the rest of them. I can sense it, but your friends tell me too. And I don’t think you really want to say goodbye when the weekend is over anymore.”
He didn’t know if it was wonderful or scary that Hudson knew that about him, but he didn’t. Hudson was the guy he liked. “It wasn’t like that. I didn’t have a guy. You’re theguy. You and Mackey when he needed it. The others were just guys. One-offs.”
“Mackey?” Hudson didn’t do a very good job of hiding his shock. “Whoa. Okay. But if I’m the guy… I mean if I’ve been the guy…”
“Mackey’s my friend, man. He’s with Sid, and he’s getting the relief he needs, but he wasn’t before. His body hurts, man, and his soul does too, sometimes.” It wasn’t complicated. It was taking care.
“I’m not judging, baby, I was just surprised. I didn’t know, that’s all. I’m glad he had you, and I’m glad he has Sid now, I really am.” Hudson sighed. “I’m sorry. Can we just talk about us? I didn’t mean to… maybe I just waited too long for this. I don’t know.”
“Okay. Let’s talk.” It was what he’d asked for, after all.
Hudson tangled their fingers. “Okay. What do you want, Jack? Do you want something more than what we’ve been doing? What do you need?”
“I don’t know how to answer that,” he admitted. “Everything is changing for me. Everything. I don’t have a ranch space in Texas. I have four horses. I don’t want to live with Mackey. I don’t think I can live here without the horses. But you’re right. It’s less and less fun to just walk away from the guy that’s the guy.”
Hudson squeezed his fingers and leaned across the table. “So I guess we have a few things to figure out.”
“I guess we do.” And that was okay. Thatwe. It was actually… very okay with him.
16
Hudson sat in the passenger side of Jack’s truck and played air drums along with the radio. They’d been driving for an hour and singing most of the way, and he was thoroughly enjoying their first-ever road trip together.
They hadn’t figured anything out or really discussed things at all since that night at the pub, but he wasn’t worried about that. He wasn’t in a hurry; he’d gotten what he needed from Jack for now—an acknowledgement that they were more than who they were in Anaheim.
He was moving forward carefully.
Jack seemed to be as confused as he was, to be honest, but none of that confusion seemed to be about him. And Jack hadn’t gotten weird or pulled away from him. It was simply—Jack.
Hudson hadn’t forgotten that first serious love Jack had told him about. Especially since that first seemed to also be Jack’s last. Until now. That was no small hurdle for Jack, and he hadn’t made it over yet.