He watched as Alain spooned the bisque into the bowls and set them out with such care, and for a moment he was able to relax and just be with his boys.
“Damn, Kitten. That smells like heaven. You put cayenne in?”
“Only a little. It ain’t good for your blood or belly, to be overheated. We keep it easy at first.”
He grinned at Neil. “Like it or not, we’re taking care of you.” He took his bowl. Neil was right, it smelled amazing, and he spooned up a bite. It warmed him up in the best way. “Mmm.”
“You’re amazing, Kitten.” Neil scooped up a bite and sighed, hand shaking just the barest bit. “I needed that. I needed y’all.”
“And we’re here. We got this, Chou. Me and M’sieur and you—we got this.”
That’s what he wanted to hear. Alain had heard him, understood him last night. That was good. “I think we should probably find out what this is now, hm?”
“Yes. I wanted…” Neil shivered, swallowed hard, eyes on his soup. “I was wearing a wire. That day. I was running a sting.”
What?
Goddamit, Neil.
He lowered his soup and set it on the table. “You—” He couldn’t believe it. Neil hadn’t said a thing. He’d had no idea Neil had decided to put himself in harm’s way. “A wire? Why? What the fuck, Neil? You don’t think we should have discussed that?”
“The Barnettes. They were dirty. I knew it. They knew it too. I needed to bring them down. I was meeting a fake CI, and I knew they were onto me. IA was supposed to stop it before it went too far.”
“Lawd. They screwed the pooch on that. This is too goddamn far, Chou.”
Isaac shook his head, trying not to let all the anger and worry out at once. “I agree with Alain. And I’m not happy that you didn’t talk to me about putting yourself in danger. You almost—they could have killed you. So what are these assholes that were supposed to save you doing for you now?”
“They made five arrests. I’ll testify. I—they’re retiring me with full benefits, but I can’t go back. I can’t ever go back, you know?” Neil’s expression was almost shocky.
“Good.” He glanced at Alain, then back at Neil. “I don’t want you to go back.”
“Nope. You and me, we been whispering about opening a little place one day. Just breakfast and lunch—we can whisper louder now.” Alain kissed Neil’s cheek. “I need you, hmm? Me and M’sieur, we need you bad.”
Neil grabbed Alain’s hand. “I had to do it. I had to.”
Isaac stepped in taking Neil’s other hand. “We’ll move forward now, okay? You have a different future coming, and Alain and I want to share it with you.”
Neil nodded. “I was scared they were coming for y’all. I needed to shut them down, all the way. I needed to know they were locked up.”
“They’ve been arrested?”
Neil nodded. “They have. They’re not a worry anymore.”
He sighed and sat on the edge of Neil’s bed. “I don’t like all these secrets. I just told Alain last night this can’t work if we don’t tell each other everything. Every little thing from now on. You understand? No more of this.”
“I couldn’t risk you. I swear to you, I thought—” Neil shook his head. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this, Master. It was supposed to go down easy.”
And it hadn’t, obviously. Not even a little. He looked Neil in the eye and made sure he was heard. “I came far too close to losing you, and I would never have known why. Like I told Alain, you’re not sparing me anything by lying to me. Never again. No more secrets.”
“No. No more secrets. This one—this one almost took me. As it is, I’m never going to be where I was. But remember, even with you knowing, I’d have still be right here.”
He wasn’t so sure of that, but there was no point in arguing. He shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not. But no, you’re not going to get that opportunity again. And when you get home, we’re going to reaffirm a few things between us, and between the three of us.” Neil might be a switch but any way he looked at it Neil was always his boy. And he intended to make that clear again.
“You swear it?” Neil’s face was as open as he’d ever seen, as vulnerable. “I need to come home to you.”
“I promise. You’re mine.” He leaned in, lingering for a second before pulling Neil in for a kiss. “You’re always mine.” He hadn’t totally forgotten about Alain, but he needed this moment with his boy, and he knew Alain understood now.
“My soul hurts, Master. Everythinghurts.”