“Yes. You so are. You want me to apologize for protecting my buddy? Too fucking bad. I’m a good man. A cowboy. I couldn’t live with myself if I was right there and didn’t. I was right there.”
Parker wasn’t the point.
“You didn’t have to be there. It didn’t have to be you. I’m not going through that again. I’m glad you have a clear conscience, but I’m not going to feel like this anymore. Why can’t you make me that kind of priority, Sky?”
Sky blinked at him. “I would save your ass in a split second. No question.”
“Oh. Good to know.” He stared at Sky. “God, you can be a stupid fuck sometimes.”
Sky looked at him, one eyebrow winging up, and that lip curled. “Well, y’know, us idjits got to do whut we can. Good thing I got me some money so you don’t throw my happy ass out.”
That was low. He narrowed his eyes at Sky. “I don’t give a crap about your money, and you know it. I love you. I want your ‘happy ass’ at home with me in one fucking piece. You scared the fuck out of me, and you’re so full of cowboy bravado you can’t even acknowledge that. You never could. It would be nice if that could weigh even half of what looking after Parker did on your conscience.”
“Right. I forgot. This is fucking fun. I get my jollies getting hurt. This was the best fucking day ever.” Sky grabbed a beer. “Jesus. You think you were scared, asshole? Did you ever once fucking think about how scared I have to be? No. Not even fucking once. Did you ever once think about it took every single ounce of brave I had to walk up those stairs? No. And you know what? I’m fucking proud. I’m proud that I could jump in without freezing. And you can go fuck yourself. You were scared? I’m fucking terrified!”
Sharp banging sounded on the door. “You two stop it before someone calls security!”
Sky went to the door and wrenched it open. “Not now, Chris.”
“Now. You come to the room with me. Let him calm down. Jesus, you’re covered in blood.”
No. No walking away in the middle of this. He stalked over to Sky, not caring that Chris was in the doorway, not caring that half the world could hear him.
“I know you’re scared! I know this sucks. I know this is a hard week, and I understand what you’re giving up. I know you did what you were trained to do for Parker—what any one of them would have done for you. It’s not about that.”
“Keep your voice down, Beck.” Chris hustled them both farther into the room, and he paced away from the door so Chris could close it.
He nodded, took a breath and reached for Sky’s shoulder. “I need you to look at me for a minute. Just for a minute I need it to not be about bulls and the cowboy code, and I need you to think about how that felt for your husband. I need you. I need you as much as Parker did in that moment. I almost lost you in Baltimore. We worked so hard to get you to where you are. I’m always proud of you. But I wasn’t prepared for that today at all.”
Jesus fucking Christ, his hands were shaking.
“Neither was I…I love you, Beck. More than I’ll ever love anyone. I’ll have your back until the end of time, but I can’t tell you that, if I’m in that position again, I won’t jump into the chute to help.” Sky wasn’t shaking, and he wasn’t looking away from Beck. “I’m a good man. I’ve done shitty things, but I know that. I’m a good man. I’myourgood man.”
“You are. I know.” Beck shifted his hand to Sky’s nape and pulled his husband into a hard hug. “I know, babe.” He’d just rather Sky be his in one fucking piece. But what was he going to do? He couldn’t change who Sky was at heart, and he shouldn’t want to.
“You’re going to get your shirt all messed up.” Sky didn’t let him go, though, not even when the hotel room door opened and closed, Chris leaving without a word.
“I can replace a shirt.” He hoped Sky heard the rest of what he meant.
He’d like to make Sky promise not to be in the chute again, but who was he kidding? The invitational was a real thing, and Sky was going to do whatever was needed short of putting that hot ass on a bull. For that matter, so would he.
Man, they were bad at arguing. No wonder neither of them was able to make a move for four fucking years. Thank God for Chris walking in when he did.
“Just don’t replace me, honey. I need you, balls to bones.” Sky rested their foreheads together. “I’m sorry I scared you.”
“That’s impossible, that was my point.” He closed his eyes and sighed, breathing with Sky, trying to let the bullshit and the tension go. “And thank you.” That was what he needed to hear. He thought he understood better why that particular kind of apology was so hard for Sky, and that was good because he knew it wouldn’t be the last time.
“I’m in your corner. I understand this whole week is emotional for you. I didn’t fully appreciate how scary it is for you too. I’m sorry. I think I do now.”
“And so does every son of a bitch on this floor.” Sky grinned at him, crooked and scarred and wonderful. “I owe Chris a beer.”
“Yeah, we do.” Beck grinned. Everyone on the floor had probably heard them last night too. “Let’s not do that again. That sucked. I love you.”
“Fair enough.” Sky winked at him and backed off, rolling his hip and moaning some.
He needed to figure out what was up without nagging and starting another argument. “Hey, did you say Park has a boytoy?” He sipped his beer and watched his husband for a second, trying to figure what was really hurting.
“Uh-huh. That baby he’s rooming with. Kid’s walking so bowlegged, he couldn’t hem a hog in a ditch.”