“Looking at tomorrow makes me a little green. My big plan for this year was go to Mexico and drink until October.” Sky squeezed his fingers. “I told myself if I won this event I’d have that guaranteed in at the Finals, and I could rest.”
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out that way, Sky. I really am. I missed you, but I know how much it all meant to you.”
The man can’t do a goddamn thing.That was what Parker said. He’d said Sky was worthless. It wasn’t true, but Beckett had to believe that was how Sky felt. The big plan had been to go to Mexico and drink, and he couldn’t even do that now.
“It really didn’t. Not anymore. It’s just the thing I know how to do to make money.” Sky sighed softly, before putting on a brave face. “I really should have learned to do something else.”
“If you didn’t love it why didn’t you—” He sighed. “Sorry. Look. You know you have money, and now you have time too. I know a lot of people that would love that combination. If you want to you can use both to learn something new.”
“I don’t…” Sky looked at him, those hands beginning to shake violently. “Please, babe. I’m fixin’ to shake apart.”
He switched his grip and squeezed Sky’s hands tight. “Look at me. I’ve got you. You’re not alone; you’re not going to be alone. This is your home now.”
It hurt his soul, the panic on his husband’s face, so he eased his lover over and suddenly Sky was in his lap, in his arms, for the first time in years. Sky was skin and bones, pointed everywhere, and trembling, but he was warm and close, and taking the comfort Beck offered.
“You’re home, babe.” Beckett didn’t say anything more, he just held Sky against him quietly. At some point, when Sky’s trembling started to ease, it stopped being all about comforting his husband for him. He’d missed this. He’d missed Sky’s wild scent, which hadn’t seemed to change despite all the time in the hospital.
He missed holding his husband.
Sky’s breath brushed his throat, Sky’s hand rested over his heart, and he could lean down and kiss Sky’s head. He could simply stay right here for the rest of the day.
“Hey.” He hooked his fingers under Sky’s chin, lifting it. “I’m going to kiss you like I haven’t been able to for four years. Okay?”
“I’m with you, honey. All the way.” Sky held his gaze, and Beck felt himself wanting to shake as badly as Sky had.
He moved in slowly, but this was intense, the way Sky was looking at him, the feeling like he’d found something he’d thought he’d lost forever. They weren’t even tentative when their lips met; they were eager, and he was leaning heavily, but he trusted Sky to speak up if it hurt.
Beckett wanted everything, but he knew he couldn’t have it. He just wasn’t sure how he was going to stop now that he’d started. Four years was a long time to miss someone.
Sky got one hand up, arm wrapping around his neck to keep them together, and one kiss became two became three. Sky matched his hunger, his vocal lover’s moan familiar and shocking all at once.
Their connection was deep and real and always had been. He’d wanted Sky this way since the very beginning, back when he hadn’t worried about what it might mean for them. The desire, the need was animal and undeniable, and something they both understood no matter what else was going on in their lives. Even when Sky came home injured. Even when Beck had been working all the time. It never mattered.
“Sky.” So much weight in one word, and he knew Sky heard it, always had.I love you I miss you I need you I’m sorry.
“Yeah.”
They sat there, forehead to forehead, staring into each other. Sky’s eyes were so clear, so blue, and he had fallen in love at first glance. Now, years of frustration and passion and pain later, he still loved them.
After another breath, he dug up a tentative but genuine smile. “I know you. Inside and out. There’s no one better to help you figure out what’s next than me. And there’s no one that wants to more than I do. Let me be a husband to you and let the rest go, okay?”
“I’ll try.” Sky rubbed their noses together. “Inside and out, huh? Been a long time for that.”
“I guess it’s going to be a while yet too. But fuck, Sky. I want you.” His words were carried on a low growl that rumbled in his chest. “I’ll wait. But I can’t lie.”
“Still?” Like his husband was in any way less stunning than he’d ever been.
“What? You’re the same cowboy that was just kissing me, right? You couldn’t tell?”
“Flatter me, babe. I need my ego stroked. Can’t get anything else petted.”
Oh, butthead.
“When I walked into your room today and saw you all dressed in your button-down and Wranglers, I couldn’t breathe for a second. You’re still the hottest thing in a cowboy hat. Even without your boots.”
Sky cupped his jaw. “Thanks, babe. I’ll take it. You’re finer than you used to be, and I didn’t think that was possible.”
“I’m going gray, Sky. Me. Gray.” He ran his hand past his temple where the hair was turning white. He was still in shape though, and proud of it.