“Your husband said he got the ‘if you want to see him before he dies come now’ call…so, yeah. This one was the wake-up call, huh?” Kevin had propped him up on his side with pillows and was applying ice to his hip.
“Wake-up? I don’t know. It’s going to be hard to come back from this.” He didn’t know if he wanted to, but he knew he had to act like he did. No one loved a loser.
“I’m not going to pretend I know anything about bull riding, man, but I can pretty much promise you that hip isn’t going to ride a bull again. Anything high impact will dislocate it and you’ll be back here learning how to walk again. I hope no one’s been feeding you bullshit.”
“No one’s said a lot of anything. I mean—” He stopped himself and closed his eyes, forcing himself to breathe. What did it matter? Why worry now? If he was even relatively frugal he could live on his savings, and if he wasn’t? Shit, he could be a greeter at the Walmart.
“Okay. Well, I’m your no-bullshit guy. You’ll ride a horse if you want to, but not a bull. Beyond that, it’s up to you and your husband. The doc will tell you to take it a day at a time. That’s bullshit too.”
“Yeah. You have a goal, and you go for it. I’m a cowboy, right?” He started to shake, the world seeming damn heavy, and he wished Beck was here. Beck seemed to get it. Beck always had, but Beck had work, and he wasn’t going to interfere. Christ, Beck had a whole life here, a house, a partner, and a rhythm. Everything. He had a life too; it just didn’t read the same.
His life was nomadic. Walter was his constant. Walter and the picture of Beck on the visor.
“Hey.” Kevin’s hands grew heavy on his shoulders. “It’s totally cool to lose it, you know. Blow it out of your system. I promise you, you’re not my first patient. I’ve seen it all.”
“I got to get out of here, man.” Maybe he could outrun the hurting. He held one hand up, blinking as he watched it shake like he’d taken earthquake pills. “Well, fuck-a-doodle-do.”
“You have a goal and you go for it. That’s what you said. So your goal is to get out of here, that’s okay.” Kevin reached out and took the shaking fingers in his. “You need my help. Do what I tell you and give me time. Two more weeks, I’ll have you walking out of here. Think of this as your job. Tell me it’s a deal, and I’ll get you some good meds.”
“Two more weeks…” He closed his eyes, fighting and beating the urge to cry. He was a grown-up. He could deal. He totally could.… A jolt of agony slammed through him and he squeezed Kevin’s hands tight. “Let’s do this.”
11
Beckett sat in his Jeep, biting his lip, staring at the steering wheel and struggling to get moving.
He was taking Skyler home today. Finally.
Finally.
He was relieved, he was happy, but he was also so anxious about it, he thought he might throw up.
Really he was mostly tired. He wanted Sky to be impressed with the house, and he needed to make sure Sky was safe too, so he’d stayed up late cleaning and rearranging, pulling up throw rugs and moving furniture that Sky might trip over.
He’d even scrubbed out the goddamn litter box.
The house was ready. He was ready. He could do this.
God, he really hoped he could do this.
Move your ass, Adler. Your husband needs you.
Beck was picking Sky up, so he was parked right out front. He looked through the windshield at the hospital’s revolving doors, took a deep breath, then got out of the fucking car.
Beckett made his way across the lobby to the elevators at a good clip, not slowing down as he waved to all the now-familiar faces. He was a little afraid if he slowed down he’d lose his nerve.
He got off the elevator and gave the nurse at the desk a wave.
“Today’s the big day, huh?” She smiled at him.
“You know it.”
The nurse’s name was Janie. She had two kids and four dogs, and her husband was on the board at Sugarbush.
Weird how this place had become a sort of second home. And he was only here a few hours a day. He could only imagine how Sky felt. Thankfully they’d be doing Sky’s outpatient rehab here with Kevin, so Sky wasn’t completely losing the safety net.
“He’s ready. Kevin brought a chair in for him, but I heard them arguing over it. Good luck!” Janie laughed.
“Thanks.” He shook his head. Yeah, he was going to need all the luck he could get.