But yeah, maybe he wasn’t so sad the rodeo was over. “It’s called empathy. I’m working on my emotional intelligence.”
One eyebrow lifted, “Your…emotional intelligence? What the hell does that even mean?”
Oh, he loved the way Sky tried not to grin.
“Well, Skyler,” Beckett said like he was on Sesame Street. “Emotional intelligence is a measure of one’s ability to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously.” He fought not to smile back. “For example, a high emotional IQ for a cowboy equates to a fistfight that is then followed by a couple of beers.”
That smile shone out like the sun coming out over the mountains. “Man, I’m a fucking emotional genius!”
“Right?”Oh, God.He’d missed that smile. It made him happy and it hurt like hell all at once. He laughed but it felt a little strange. Like he didn’t deserve it.
He cupped Sky’s cheek and traced a thumb gently under the healing eye socket.
Sky leaned in, rested against his hand, stubble poking his palm, the rough skin warm. Someone needed to moisturize. “God, baby. I—God.”
He understood. He didn’t know where to start either. He loved Sky, but he’d buried it so deep, he was still trying to convince himself it was okay to find it. There was so much he needed to say, but he didn’t know how he’d ever be able to.
“I know.” Beck needed Sky to know he’d been heard. “I’m here.”
“Okay, I can’t have a beer right now, and I don’t want to hit you, so…”
“You sure? It’s all good. I’ve been beating myself up since Parker called me.” He wasn’t the one in bed, but he still hurt like hell. “I’ll take a rain check on that beer, though.”
“Why? I get it, why you never called. You have something here. Something real. I have a cat and a trailer and a bunch of gold buckles.” Sky kissed his palm. “I’m sorry I messed your life up again, babe.”
Shit, the trailer…At some point he was going to have to tell Sky he gave it to Parker. Not today, though.
“We were real, Sky.” He sighed. “I don’t know why you couldn’t believe that, why I wasn’t enough. You had real. You had me.”
“I did, and then I didn’t.” Skyler leaned into the pillows, sighing deep. “I’ve had screaming fights with your picture in my truck for years, you know?”
“You screamed at my picture, and you never once called me to do it for real?” He sat back in his chair, staring at Sky. “Jesus Christ, Sky. I could have used a little screaming. What the hell did you say to a picture that you couldn’t say to me?”
Skyler tilted his head and blinked. “All sorts of things, mainly that I was lonely and…and shit you don’t want to hear.”
He nodded. “Me too. Lonely I mean. Only I didn’t yell at your picture. I just…I…”I wished this on you, that’s all.He shrugged. “Shit you don’t want to hear.”
“There you go.” Skyler shrugged, the motion awkward and clumsy. “I’m sorry I messed up, babe, and I’m sorry you’re so tired now. I’m working hard to get my shit together, I swear to God.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call. I should have called. I wanted to and I just…never did. I think I got lazy. My life got very simple and you aren’t simple. You’re messy, and we’re complicated. Instead of making myself do the hard thing and call, I did the easy thing and moved on, except—”
He leaned forward again and took Sky’s hand but couldn’t meet his husband’s eyes. “Except I didn’t. I couldn’t.”
“I am a mess, and I know it, but I’m…I’m…shit, I’m yours, whether or not you want me.”
“I think I got old and boring while you were out in the spotlight being a champion rodeo cowboy, so I don’t know why you’d want me, but I’ll always belong to you.” He did look at Sky then, ducking into Sky’s line of vision to catch those blue eyes. “I guess we could try wanting each other for a while and see how it goes.”
“Yeah, even though I’m broke dick, baby?” Sky looked exhausted, down to the bone, and shockingly close to tears.
“Would you walk away if it was me?”
“I only left because you told me you wanted me to go. I promised in sickness and in health.”
What?
“You make it sound like I threw you out. That’s not how I remember it at all. You were going. I did tell you if you left again there was no need to come back.”
“And I didn’t come back. Going is what they pay me for, baby, and you thought…” Sky stopped short. “That part don’t matter. I don’t want to fight.”