As grateful as I was for the extra time in Pinecrest, I had no idea what Uncle John’s reasoning for the delay was. Even Carl had said it was most unusual for it to have been written in. We couldn’t have forced an earlier reading even if we wanted to, which left us to hold our breath and bide our time as we watched the meeting tick closer.
But now the waiting game was coming to a close, and I’d never felt so scared in my life. Sometimes, I just lay awake atnight in a state of panic. Unable to do anything other than stare at the ceiling while my heart felt like it was about to beat out of my chest.
Would it have been easier if I’d just gone back to Nashville after John’s death? If I had, it would’ve been a clean break. If I had, I wouldn’t have known what it felt like to be loved—yes,loved—by Duke Bennett.
But even knowing now what I didn’t know then, I couldn’t bring myself to regret it. The thought of living a life without ever experiencing the kind of tenderness he showed me was not one I wanted to live.
Despite every red flag and warning bell telling us not to go there, I was sure neither of us would go back and change what was happening between us.
Duke and I hadn’t talked about what happened last Saturday night. We hadn’t spoken about the fact that he’d asked me to stay. Anytime we veered too close to ardent promises and hopeful wishes, one of us was forced to navigate toward safer water rather than the terrifying cliff’s edge we were charted for.
My duty to my career and my family was at war with the duty to my heart. Even though I knew which option would win out, I was praying for some kind of miracle that could have me being a part of my family’s legacyandwith those I loved.
I wanted to stay in Pinecrest more than anything. I wanted to spend my days with my daughter and not find out about her life secondhand. I wanted to see my brother more than once every six months if we were lucky. And I wanted to spend every night with Duke, curled in his arms.
I wanted to make plans. To live my life as I saw fit, without worrying about profit margins or acquisitions.
“Mrs. Thompson said I was the best singer in class today,” Charlie boasted from the back seat. “She said I have a real talent.”
I glanced in the rearview mirror and smiled. “That doesn’t surprise me at all, sunshine. You’re pretty amazing.”
“I can’t wait for you to see my play, Mom.”
Guilt struck hard and fast, not knowing whether or not I’d even be here by then. With John’s original prognosis of three to six months, I’d hoped it wouldn’t have been an issue. Now, I had no idea what my future looked like.
I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just mumbled, “It’s gonna be great.”
My daughter was quiet for a moment, her little voice barely above a whisper as she asked, “You’re going to be there, right?”
Thrusting a knife into my heart would’ve hurt less than the subtle heartbreak behind her words. Knowing my daughter was already expecting me to cancel was the shittiest feeling in the world. And I couldn’t promise a damn thing because I truly didn’t know where I’d be or what I‘d be doing.
“I’m going to try,” I said, attempting to sound convincing. “I don’t know what work is going to look like, and?—”
There was a long, insufferable sigh from the back seat. “Yeah, okay.”
“Charlie, it isn’t like I don’t want to be. You know that, right?”
My daughter looked out the window. “I get it, Mom. You’re busy.”
I drove in silence, trying to blink away the moisture pooling along my lash line. None of this was fair. Losing John, finding Duke, spending time with my daughter. It was all too fresh, too new. I didn’t want to lose any more than I already had.
It wasn’t as simple as walking away. Even if I found a way to leave Hartstrings, it would take months at best. Years at worst. And, depending on what happened in the upcoming meeting, it would mean leaving behind a company that has meant a great deal to the people who matter most to me.
My voice broke as I said, “I don’t want you to think I’m too busy for you, sunshine. I’m going to do everything I can to be there.”
She nodded, clearly uninterested in speaking about it further. If I didn’t already hate myself for my situationship with Duke, Charlie’s cutting disappointment was the final nail in my coffin.
The rest of our ride home was quiet, save for the radio playing softly in the background. As much as I wanted to ask questions, to know more about her day, I knew my daughter well enough that she would only shut down further if I tried.
She was a lot like me in that way.
As we pulled up to the cottage, Lukas and Duke’s trucks were both parked outside. There was a flash of red hair at the window before Harper ran outside to our car the moment we came to a stop.
“Charlie! Oh my gosh, come on! You’ve got to pack.”
I stepped out of my car, holding a hand up as they tried to run back into the house. “Whoa, whoa, hold up. What’s going on? What do you mean by “pack”?
Lukas strolled out of the house, holding a phone up to his ear. He quickly said goodbye before stopping next to me. “Didn’t you get my text?”