“You can’t live your life for someone else.” Duke’s voice was soft. Reassuring. It nearly had me on the verge of tears.
Before one could fall, I pushed forward. “Tell that to my family. My dad was adamant about me following in his footsteps. And John’s dedicated just as much of his life to ensuring the transfer of power from him to me was as smooth as possible. I can’t let all of that go to waste just because I don’t love it anymore.”
Duke’s fingers tapped against the wheel, but he didn’t say anything right away. It wasn’t until we were pulling onto the last stretch of country road that he spoke again. “You should talk to John about how you’re feeling. I bet the thing that he wants more than anything in this world is for you to be happy.”
There were so many things I wanted to say but didn’t know how to voice. Of course, I knew John wanted me to be happy. He had spent his life helping me chase a dream I thought I had, stopping at nothing until it came to fruition. But how could I tell the man on his deathbed that all his hard work had been for nothing? Instead of wasting his time on training me to fill his shoes, he could’ve given his energy to someone else. Someoneworthy of the role who wouldn’t want to throw in the towel after only a few years in the job.
“Eh, it’s fine,” I said, forcing a smile. “No one loves their job all the time. It’s just a part of life.” I turned to him in my seat. “I mean, can you honestly tell me that you’ve never hated a single moment of owning the bar?”
“I hate the time I spend there that takes me away from Harper, but I’ve never hated my decision to own the bar or regretted it in any way. It was what I wanted, and I made it happen. Why should I hate that? And if I did, why would I stay in a situation that makes me unhappy?”
“Okay. I guess you’re the anomaly then,” I muttered, sitting back in my seat.
Was he right? Was it as easy as telling John I didn’t want this life anymore?
“I’ve learned a lot in therapy, you know.” His gaze flicked to the backseat where Harper and Charlie were thankfully still distracted. “After Sarah left, I was in a bad spot. Like, a really bad one, Olivia. I struggled to get out of bed. Struggled to shower. There were some days that I had to beg someone to take Harper for a night or two because I’d drunk myself into a stupor and couldn’t even pick her up from school. But I got help. I talked to John about what was going on and the horrible thoughts swirling around in my head. He was the one who helped me find a therapist and get my shit straight.”
I chewed on my lip, trying to keep my surprise hidden. Did Lukas know that Duke had struggled like that? “John helped you?”
“Honey, he’s helped me more times than I could count. It was just my mom and me growing up. She did what she could to give me the best shot at life, but it wasn’t easy being a single mom and having to raise a restless kid on her own. John stepped in, paid for anything he could. Sports. My first truck.You name it.” He glanced at me, smiling slightly. “How’d you think I paid for school? A scholarship?”
I shrugged. “I guess I never really thought about it.”
Duke was always just…there. He and my brother were inseparable. I didn’t consider us growing up any differently because he often stayed with us more than he did at home. But thinking back, it made sense. John and my parents always made sure that Duke had a pile of presents waiting for him on Christmas, and he accompanied us on every single family vacation we ever took.
“I know what it’s like not to want to disappoint someone. After all John had done to help me succeed, going through the divorce and losing the house felt like I was slapping all his generosity in the face.”
“I guess I’ll have to take that into consideration. Got a good recommendation for a new therapist? Preferably not anyone in a fifty-mile radius?”
Duke pulled onto the property and headed up the short drive to John’s house. He parked beside Lukas’s truck and cut the ignition. The girls didn’t waste any time unbuckling themselves and rounding the corner to where I was sure they’d find my brother hard at work.
I went to follow them, but Duke’s hand on my elbow stopped me. “I know you’re gonna play this off as a joke, but I still think you should talk to him about how you’re feeling. I promise you, he wouldn’t want you to look back in twenty or thirty years and regret living a life you didn’t love. I know you don’t want that either.”
No, I didn’t want that. While I respected Duke’s attempt to—I don’t know—give me a pep talk, our circumstances were different. I’d told John more times than I could count that all I wanted was to be like my father. Like him. It felt weak walkingaway so soon. Like I hadn’t actually tried to make the job my own.
And if I didn’t take it, who would?
“I’m going to go check on the girls and say hi to Luke,” I said, pulling my arm free from his grip.
Duke nodded, but didn’t push the change of subject. He stepped out into the sweet afternoon air with me. “I’ll go check on the old man,” he said, gesturing toward the house. “Let him know we’re home.”
I watched him disappear into the house and debated following him. It was my daughter’s lighthearted giggles that changed my mind.
Rounding the corner of the house, I saw Charlie, Harper, and Lukas beneath the old oak tree. Once upon a time, Lukas and I had our own treehouse here, but it had been torn down years ago.
Charlie had been begging my brother for years to rebuild it, and he finally started a few months ago. It was a slow project since Lukas only came by on his occasional day off to work on it. Lately, though, it seemed like he used it as an excuse to come by and see John.
“What is going on here?” I asked, planting my hands on my waist. Charlie and Harper were both soaking wet while Lukas looked guilty as he dropped the water hose and raised his hands above his head.
“They started it,” he said, sending a pointed look in the girl’s direction.
“No, we didn’t,” they said in unison.
“Yes, you did.”
“I tripped,” Charlie said, examining her nails.
Lukas leveled her with a glare. “And managed to soak me in the process?”