I had hoped letting everything out like that would make me feel better come morning, but it didn’t. Instead, I woke up withdark circles beneath my eyes and that same nail-biting dread in the pit of my stomach.
I’d blame it on the wine if anyone asked.
“Delivery incoming,” Lukas boomed, walking into the kitchen with a tray of insulated coffee cups. His eyes landed on the homemade plate of cookies on the counter and like a heat seeking missile, he homed in on them before I could stop him. “Oh my god, yes.”
“Hey, I didn’t say I would share,” I said, ripping one of the cookies from his grip. “Cleo and Charlie made those for me, not you.”
Lukas plopped down on the stool across from me. “You can’t spare one for your poor, lonely brother?” he pouted, softening his eyes. “I don’t have anyone to make me cookies.”
“And whose fault is that? Certainly not mine.” If he wanted someone to bake him cookies, he could find his own Cleo because mine was off limits. I snagged one of the cups, brought it to my nose, and inhaled. “Alright, you can haveonefor bringing me this.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t grab some coffee yesterday. Didn’t you go to the store?” he asked, groaning as he took a bite. “Fuck. These are so good.”
I followed suit, closing my eyes as the perfectly balanced sweetness landed on my tongue. I wasn’t sure what she did to make these taste so goddamn good, but they were perfect. “Must have slipped my mind given the fiasco.”
Lukas, being the shit-stirrer that he was, already knew about my run-in with Duke yesterday. I’d called him the moment I walked out of the store with my groceries in one cart and Duke’s in the other. There’d been no plan in the heat of the moment, just guilt from knowing he’d left them all because of what I’d said. I wanted to make it right. But once I paid for them, I realized I didn’t know where he lived. Charlie told meabout Frank’s Bar, and I’d thought she was joking around, and called Lukas instead hoping for some clarity. Instead, I’d driven toward Frank’s feeling like more of a dick than I already had.
Duke and I were never close by any stretch of the word. I had no right to know about his life or his business, but I couldn’t imagine what would push him from living in the gorgeous house Lukas built for him in town to the tiny shed behind Frank’s. None of it made any sense.
While he and Lukas got into their fair share of trouble growing up, Duke seemed to have his head on a little straighter. He was the captain of the football team, an A and B student. He pulled my brother from fights and steered him away from the darker aspects of his personality after our dad died. Other than a warning they got for getting caught underage with a case of beer, there wasn’t a mark on his record as far as I was aware.
So how the hell had he ended up where he had?
“Earth to Liv.” Lukas snapped his fingers in front of my face, bringing me back to the present. “Hello?”
“Sorry,” I muttered. Not even the warmth of the coffee was enough to ward off the chill of unease I felt. “Thousand miles away.”
“I see that,” he said slowly. Though I wasn’t looking at him, I could feel his eyes on me all the same. “You sure you’re okay to do this today? We can hold off?—”
“No. I want to see him. I need to. Putting it off won’t change things. It’ll just leave me with regrets.”
As much as I didn’t want to see John in such a frail state, Lukas was driving Charlie and me over to visit him this afternoon. Though he still owned the ranch Lukas lived on, he’d bought a couple of hundred acres across town when we were kids. It had become his sanctuary, of sorts. Ours too. Especially in the early years after Dad’s passing.
Tucked away at the edge of the forest was his largecraftsman style house. Beautiful tapered cedar columns sat atop thick stone plinths, carefully crafted to blend in with the surroundings rather than stand out. On one side of the house was the woodshop he’d built for Lukas, and beneath that had been a soundproof music studio for me. He enjoyed fostering that kind of passion in both of us. Encouraged us to follow our dreams, no matter what it entailed.
“I just want to warn you… He’s not in the best shape.” Lukas’ face was grim. “It may be hard?—”
“I said I want to do this, Lukas.” I met my brother’s steely gaze as my voice broke. “He was there for us when we had no one, and I’m going to be there for him. I don’t give a shit what he looks like.”
Lukas’ eyes softened a fraction. Reaching out, he rested his hand on mine. “I know you don’t, Livvy. I’m just worried about you.”
“Well, don’t be. Focus that concern on our uncle. Maybe it’ll be enough to make him reconsider.” I tried to smile, but it didn’t feel right. We both knew nothing would change his mind. John was a stubborn man, even on his best day. If he had made a decision, it rarely ever moved.
My brother echoed the hollow gesture. “Yeah. Maybe.”
Thanks to Charlie,the ride to John’s house was anything but silent. She and Lukas chatted about anything and everything, cracking jokes and making plans. It hurt more than I cared to admit that neither of them extended an invitation to me, assuming I wouldn’t be around.
It wasn’t an unfair assumption. I was always on the road, but I was here right now, after all. And I had no plans of leavinganytime soon. My job had taken a lot from me, but it wouldn’t take these last few months with John. I wouldn’t let it.
“And I was just cast as the lead in the big musical in school!” Charlie exclaimed proudly. “Mrs. Anson said I have the voice of an angel. I don’t know what that means, but I think it’s good.”
Hearing them talk so freely stung more than I cared to admit, but I kept smiling anyway.
“Hell yes,” Lukas chimed in, smiling. “You’re gonna blow all those other kids out of the water. I might even have to make a sign!”
Charlie giggled. “Uncle Luke, you know you can’t hold signs up in the auditorium. You got yelled at last time.”
“Last time?” I asked, turning toward my brother. “What happened last time?”