“It’s okay, Jim. I understand.” I forced a smile. Before he became our neighbor, I’d gravitated to him at work. He was an easygoing man, eight years older than me, and seemed so worldly. He and Merry had traveled quite a bit before settling down in Atlanta in a neighborhood close to the airport where Merry was based as a flight attendant.
“Anyway, hope your appointment goes well. Give Brandt my love.”
“I will, thank you.”
Jim headed back inside. I watched him, the ache in my heart unrelenting. Brandt and I were attracted to him and Merry. We’d talked openly about our attraction, even with our therapist. Since this was our first time looking to engage with anyone else outside our marriage and we were such good friends with them, we didn’t want to ruin things by making our feelings clear. We’d decided to take the route of surrogate partner therapy by way of a couple for us to explore. Our way to opening our hearts and bodies to another couple could have happened in so many ways, but we’d chosen this option as right for us. Dr. Lively had agreed that for us this was a good opportunity to explore intimacy with others.
On the drive to the therapist’s office, I mused about Jim not inviting Brandt and me to his party. What kind of party could it be that he felt wasn’t our sort of thing?
The secretary waved me in with a distracted smile while talking on the phone.
I knocked once at the door, then entered. “Sorry I’m late. The traffic was a beast.”
“That’s okay, Cairo. We haven’t begun.”
“Thank you.” Along with our joint sessions, we also had one-on-one sessions with her, but I preferred for our joint sessions to actually have both of us present before information flowed. I kissed Brandt and sat next to him on the loveseat, close enough to have our bodies touching. Support and comfort radiated from that contact, settling my fluttering nerves.
Dr. Lively, a middle-aged woman with a soothing voice and a motherly demeanor, smiled at us. “Now that we’re all here, we can get started.” She handed us both a folder. “Those are the two couples the surrogate locator has matched with you. Why don’tyou go through them and decide which couple you would like to go with? You don’t have to choose now. You can meet with both and make your decision after.”
The first couple was married like us and had been in the program for two years. They’d worked with three other couples since, and the feedback from those clients was glowing. They were both in their twenties and had a healthy, open perspective on relationships that shone through in their written responses.
“What do you think?” I asked Brandt.
Brandt chuckled. “Truly? I was thinking if only we both had been as self-aware, open, and confident at such a young age, we would be a pro at this by now.”
“At least we’re there now. That’s the important thing, right?”
“True.”
The second couple had a bit of an age gap that I found interesting. They reminded me of Jim and Merry. What was more interesting was that they had been a part of the program as a couple for four years, but the older man had acted as a surrogate partner for ten years.
Brandt and I shared a glance, our eyes silently communicating as we usually did. I knew he liked the second couple. We returned our attention to the folders, flipping through the pages meticulously. Much of the information was about their views on sex and relationships. We’d asked for information such as jobs and hobbies to be omitted because we felt we stood a better chance at building a rapport if we asked them directly.
“What’s going through your minds?” Dr. Lively asked.
“We prefer the second couple with the age gap,” Brandt replied.
“But we’re also not sure if that’s because they remind us of another couple.”
“Your neighbors.”
“Right.”
“You can meet with them both.”
Brandt and I looked at each other and nodded.
“I think we will,” I said. “We’re ready for this.”
“I think so too.” Dr. Lively smiled.
“Do you think we’re being too cautious about being with another couple?” Brandt worried his bottom lip with his teeth.
“Is that what you think?” she asked.
“If we were both ready, we would just take the plunge. People do this all the time without having a therapist as a mediator.”
“They do, but you’re not other people. You are Brandt and Cairo, and you’ve been together since you were sixteen. You both come from conservative families where you’ve had to learn to let go of certain notions that were making you feel guilty. Also, you’ve never been with anyone else intimately apart from each other, so your hesitancy is understandable. You’ve chosen the path that works foryou,and that’s all that matters.”