Just then I see him. Ethan is in a corner with his knees against his chest looking scared out of his mind.
“I got him!” I yell out, the air getting impossibly thick. I have to get him out of here, the smoke inhalation alone already has impacted him. I kneel down, already scooping him into my arms. “Ethan, we gotta go.”
“Parker, I’m so sorry,” he cries with tears streaming down his face. His voice is hoarse, and I can tell he’s struggling to breathe. I wish I could take my mask off to put on him, but all I can do is try and get us out of here as quickly as possible.
As soon as he’s in my arms another piece of the ceiling fallscreating a wall of fire in front of us. I look around for the best possible route to get us both out of here mostly unscathed.
There’s a small opening I run toward before the flames engulf the only exit we have. The wood creaks as it starts to give away. I can’t see the exit through all the smoke, and I don’t know how far we have to go. It all happens so fast, the sounds, the flames, I act on pure self-preservation and instinct, dropping us onto the ground. I cover Ethan’s body with my own so I’ll take the impact as the barn loses all structural integrity and collapses.
I never thought about how I would die, never wanted to. But it didn’t feel like this. I thought I would die of old age with a life well lived. This doesn’t feel like that, this feels like I have so much left to look forward to. I just got Lily back and I’m going to lose her again.
I can only hope that I’ve done enough to save Ethan over myself. That she can live the rest of her life with her family. Hopefully find happiness again. I want to apologize to her. I want to kiss her one last time, hold her one last time. Tell her I love her just one last time. All the things we didn’t get to do. All the things we didn’t get to say.
I didn’t regret losing her the first time, and I can’t find it in me to regret losing her this time. As long as I’ve saved Ethan and given her some joy back, then that will have to be enough. Her image floods my mind, her smile, her laughter. Her bright blue eyes looking at me.
As my consciousness fades, the last thing I see are the memories of her.
CHAPTER 45
Lily
This can’t be real.There’s no way what I’m looking at is real.
I felt off, and when I was talking to Sutton, she had the genius idea to have me come over and take a pregnancy test since she had some left over. I laughed but indulged her anyway because I was convinced it would be negative.
But there’s nothing negative about the two very dark pink lines staring at me right now.
I couldn’t say anything when I came out of the bathroom. I just held up the test to show her, at first her jaw dropped in shock, then she pushed herself up and pulled me into a hug while her huge pregnant belly pressed against…mine.
I look down at myself; I guess I’m a little bloated, but I don’t think I look much different. But there’s a baby in there. Ababy. Parker’s and my baby.
“How did this happen?” I ask in disbelief.
Sutton chuckles. “Uh, well I’m pretty sure you know how babies are made and I’m sure you and Parker have been practicing a bit.”
“Practicing, sure, but not actually trying. Don’t you have to try to get pregnant?” I’m in shock.
Sutton just laughs harder. “Nope. Have you been on birth control?”
“Of course I have, and I’m usually really good at…taking it…” My voice fades because I realize that with my new work schedule being night shift has really thrown me off, and I haven’t been as good at taking it as I should be. I didn’t think much of it, until right now.
My eyes fill with tears I don’t want to fall. “What am I going to do? We just got back together.”
“What do you mean? Have you met Parker? He’s going to be so excited. Didn’t you say he just asked you to move in?”
“Yeah, Tulips and me, notthreeof us.”
“Lily.” She rests her hands on my shoulder. “That man loves you so much, he’s going to be so excited I promise you.”
Rationally, I know she makes sense. But my mind is still in such a panic mode that I’m struggling to believe he’ll actually be happy about this. I want to be happy, I really do, but I’m scared. Terrified, even.
I look at Sutton and how much her stomach as grown and I think about that being me. “Does it hurt?” I ask.
“Pregnancy?” She rubs her hand along her stomach. “Sometimes, but it’s also beautiful. Except the sickness. I won’t lie, that sucks.”
I groan, falling backwards on the couch. “What if I’m not ready to be a mom? What if I’m bad at it?”
“You won’t be,” she insists. I still feel like I can hardly take care of myself most of the time. But then I think of Parker and how he would jump at the chance to take care of me. He fills in my gaps and will do anything for me.