In a daze, I sit on the bed, tears rolling down my cheeks because I’ve fucked everything up before we even had a chance. Pulling my boots off, I strip out of my riding clothes.
I sit on the bed in my bra and panties, guilt swamping over me.
Keno has done so much for me, and I’ve been lying to him this whole time.
Moving to the bathroom, I hesitate.
Laying my palm on the door, I press my forehead to the wood, and it all swamps over me. I have to stop doing this to myself, stop doing this to us, stop sabotaging any shot we have. Somehow, I have to make this right.
I take a deep breath, and my hand closes over the knob.
The room is already filled with steam.
I pull my bra and panties off, dropping them to the floor, and open the glass door of the shower stall.
He has his back to me, his palms high on the tile, his head dipped as the water pounds down on his shoulders. But he must hear the door open, or he feels the cooler air roll over him, for his head turns to the side, and I know he sees me in his peripheral vision.
Still, he doesn’t move. He just stands there, motionless, perhaps waiting to see what I’ll do.
I lightly touch my palm between his shoulder blades and gently stroke toward his neck. Still, he’s unmoving, so I step closer, pressing my smaller body against his, my arms encircling his waist and my lips brushing a kiss to his back.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Sorry doesn’t always cut it, Six.”
“I was wrong, so wrong. I should never have lied to you. I was afraid.”
“Of me?” At that, his palms slid from the tile, and he faces me.
I shake my head. “Just afraid. Afraid to be vulnerable. Afraid to be hurt again.”
“That what you think I’ll do?”
I shrug. “Not intentionally.”
He grabs my face and pushes my back against the tile, boxing me in. “Why can’t you trust me, Six? What do I have to do to prove it to you?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know.”
I watch his jaw tick. “This about New Orleans? Do you know how many times I’ve wished I never left you?”
“But you did.”
“I should have taken you with me.”
“I wish you had.”
“We can’t go back. All we have is here and now. If this is gonna work… if you want me to trust you, start trusting me, Six. Start telling me the truth. All of it.”
I nod.
We stare at each other for a long moment, and then he whirls me around to face the wall, moving in against my body. My hands press against the wet tile as he dips his head to me. His mouth is at my ear, and his hands close over my hips.
“I’m still pissed at you. That’s gonna take a while to work through. You understand?” He squeezes his hands, pulling me back, and I feel his erection, big and hard, pressing against my hip. And I understand completely. And I’m okay with that. More than okay. I rub the side of my face against his jaw, and my ass rubs up against him, and I spread my legs.
“I’m not gonna be gentle,” he warns unnecessarily.
I nod. “Okay.”