She let her palm rest there for a moment, pressing into the familiar curve, willing it to steady her.
And for the briefest instant, it did.
A flicker of warmth. Of belonging.
But it faded almost as quickly.
The house was unchanged, but she… was not.
In her chamber, she closed the door softly and then just stood there. The room was precisely as she had left it. Her books. Her writing desk. Her shawl, tossed carelessly across the chair days ago.
And yet she felt like an intruder.
In her own room.
Her fingers fumbled with the clasp of her cloak. She shrugged it off, tossing it onto the bed.
And then she caught a glimpse of herself in the looking glass.
The green silk clung to her, torn at the bodice where the seam had split. The delicate embroidery strained against the fullness of her breasts, which pushed stubbornly against even damaged stitching.
Her mother’s voice rose unbidden.“Too much. Too loud.”
Her freckles stood out against skin gone pale with shock. Her cheeks looked flushed and overly round. Her hair, once carefully arranged, had fallen loose in wild copper strands around her face.
Her arms were not slender.
Her waist not slight.
She was not delicate or ethereal.
She dropped her gaze and noticed a faint bruise darkened along her upper arm—the mark where Julian’s hand had gripped her.
Remembering how she’d justified the lies she’d told made the room seem to shrink around her.
Her lungs suddenly strained against the bodice. It was too tight.
Accusing.
In a sudden surge of panic, her hands flew to the hooks at her back. Her fingers slipped. Caught. Scraped.
When they didn’t give right away, her breaths came faster.
“Come off,” she whispered, tugging harder.
A hook snapped. Another tore free. Threads pulled loose until she could wrench her arms out of the puffed sleeves and drag the cursed thing from her body.
It landed in a twisted heap at her feet.
Green silk. Split seams.
Ruined.
For a moment she considered kicking it aside.
Instead, she only stared at it.
His gaze, when he’d looked at her in that dress… It had been warm, unguarded.