His heart beat behind me, a slow, persistent thrum. Once upon a time I would have felt terribly exposed by a man like this, in more ways than one. Now I was thrilled he’d come to me. I wanted this every dawn, his presence stilling my mind.
I turned toward him, within the cradle of his arms. “But would they speak of their queen’s nakedness in the presence of their king?”
The serenity on his face shifted to scrutiny; his eyes lowered to me. Then, a lip-curling smile. “Depends on his stature and fearsomeness. Would he be a bright-eyed noble from Highmark?”
I stuck my finger toward my open mouth and mimed a gag.
His smile grew. “Perhaps a dark lord from Noctere.”
“I prefer a little wit.”
He tilted his head. “I’m shocked the queen would even consider a king. Why risk your power now that you’ve finally consolidated it?”
I reached up, stroked a lock of his hair. “Perhaps the queen has other reasons.”
He leaned his head into my hand, kissed my wrist. Soft, deliberate, right over the vein where my blood ran closest to the surface. “She could easily take a consort.”
My fingers curled into his hair before I could stop them. “Not a befitting title for what he is to her.”
His smile faded. “You sound serious.”
“Because I am.”
“Eury, you’re not one who marries. I knew that about you from the time we were in the Eldermaze. And I accepted it.”
I tugged at a piece of his dark hair, curled it around my finger. “Am I not allowed to grow? To change?”
His eyes traveled between mine, all hint of humor gone. “You have another reason besides love.”
With one look, he knew me. I dropped my hand to his arm, pressed myself closer to him, set my face against his chest. Meeting eyes felt like a greater challenge than offering him my hand in marriage.
He stroked my head. “What is it?”
Lies came easier than truth, especially lies to yourself. The truth had to be dredged up, and it came misshapen and spiky. But Dorian was the only one I could share my whole heart with.
“I’m afraid,” I whispered.
“What do you fear? The other courts will take time to recover, and we will have a spy?—”
“They aren’t why I desire you as king, Dorian.” I lifted my face, finally met eyes.Speak truth.“Sometimes, I fear I’ll never leave that dark place.”
He didn’t seem to know what I meant at first. So many dark places, outside and inside us. Then his brows lowered, as though he’d seen past my pupils into the landscape of my mind.
“You’ve left it, Eury. You never need return.”
“And yet this morning, just before I opened my eyes, I heard his low laugh rumbling in my head. He lives there, but he lives here, too. Do you understand?”Three times, and then?—
His finger touched the corner of my mouth. He leaned down and kissed my lips with a gentleness that felt almost mournful. He understood. Perhaps he lived with it, too, even if he didn’t say it. Both of us had gone down to that dark place and were changed by it.
When I’d first met Dorian, he’d told me a rhyme about the Courtbreaker:
Four courts keep the world in line?—
One for blood, and one for shine,
One for thorn, and one for sky…
But if the Courtbreaker wakes?—