I watch her swallow, the muscles in her neck working slowly. Her eyes cut to me, and I think for a moment that look is going to kill me.
“You’re wrong. I’m not selfless or brave or strong. But I am relentless when it comes to you. You’re right, the kind thing to do might be to end your suffering now. Kill you quickly and painlessly. But I’m selfish, and I’m not ready to give you up. I can’t give you up, even to save the damn world.”
Her voice falters as she speaks. It’s a lie. All of it. It’s what she wants to be true. She wants to love me more than caring about her friends, family, and the world. But it’s not how she feels.
“Promise me when the time comes, you’ll give the order to let someone kill me. Brax or Talonis could shoulder the weight of killing me. The others would struggle more with it. Kael, I’m sure, would enjoy it. Ambrose would, too, but I don’t want you holding any grudges against him. Or just send me to the vampires, and they’ll make sure to get the job done—”
“No,” she cuts me off.
I frown, pushing my frustration down. I’m getting nowhere. The threats and taunting aren’t working.
“I will,” she says suddenly.
“What?”
“I’ll kill you. It will be me who does it. I’m not letting any of the others carry that burden. If the time comes, I’ll kill you myself.”
I suck in a breath, not sure what to say to that. “Thank you—”
“I’m not finished. But you have to promise me something first.” Faint sparks of electricity dance across my skin as she brushes her hand against my face. I flinch. She doesn’t. Her determination holds steady.
“I’ll kill you after we’ve exhausted all other options. If you are suffering too much. If you’ve killed too many people. I’ll kill you before I let you kill me, but you have to promise you’ll stop your antics. You’ll stop trying to get others to kill you. Stop acting like you’re worse than you actually are. You’re going to do everything in your power to control your bloodlust and stay in control of your mind. You’re going to fight Ambrose’s curse that wants you to kill me. You’re to help us find a solution that doesn’t involve your death. And you’re not going to try to take your own life. Do you agree?”
I prick my finger, assuming she wants to mark this deal in blood, but she shakes her head.
“I’ve had enough of magic, all I need is your word. Do you promise?”
Why does she have to be so perfect? The gods truly must hate me. They gave me everything I could ever want in the world and then took it away from me in the cruelest way possible.
“I promise, my love.”
Chapter 4
Ambrose
Iwant to kill him.
I can’t hear their conversation, but I can feel the change in her when he’s talking to her. How settled she feels, how safe, despite everything about him. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand how I can be her mate, and she can love him. All three of us are connected. I hope to the gods there is some explanation that will make all this worth it. Right now, I’m very tempted to do what Nyx keeps asking me to do and kill him.
Almost. But then, she’d really never forgive me.
Lumi yawns, and Nyx looks back over his shoulder as if realizing he can’t fuck her without dealing with me and the rest of the room. Without saying a word, he vanishes.
Lumi closes her eyes and wraps her arms around her body for a second, already missing him.
I let her have her moment, keeping my mind from invading hers. She yawns again, and this time the room erupts in yawns.
“It’s been a long night. We should all sleep for a few hours, and then we might have some clarity about what our next steps should be,” I say.
“We can’t sleep. We need—” but another yawn interrupts Lumi’s words.
“Come on, I’ll show you to one of the guest rooms you can use,” Sylara says.
“What about my room?” Lumi asks before her face drops, and she shakes her head.
“Nyx’s room. That’s Nyx’s room, not my room.”Her mind practically shouts into mine.
“Two hours. Everyone sleeps for two hours, and then we meet back here again,” Lumi says, looking from face to face for someone to have the answers, for someone to say we should stay awake and solve things first.