“Hold onto that blade all night like your life depends on it, Lumi. Hold it close to your neck. If I lose control, that’s where I’ll go. And if you sense danger at all, thrust out, don’t think, just act. Promise me,” Nyx says.
I frown, but yawn again. Knowing this is the only way they will let me sleep.
I grip the knife tightly, holding it close to my body in front of my neck for protection. It’s not particularly comfortable, but it doesn’t matter. It’s what they both want, so I’ll give it to them.
“I promise,” I whisper as my eyes drift closed.
Chapter 34
Nyx
Seventeen breaths, that’s how long it takes Lumi to fall asleep. She’s exhausted, and I’m glad I can give her these few minutes of peace, not that I’ll be getting any by the way that Ambrose is staring at me.
“What?”
“How are you doing this? I saw you moments ago. You were losing your mind. You would have killed anything with blood in it. You weren’t in your right mind. And now suddenly, you’re calm as can be, standing guard while she sleeps. How are you doing it?”
“For one, I don’t think I’ve triggered the full vampire curse yet. I think Isolde has used her magic to speed things up so that she can control me. Make it look like she’s giving me a cure when all she’s doing is taking away her magic that’s controlling me.”
“It’s more than that,” Ambrose says observantly.
“From the moment your curse has been triggered, I knew how much control I would have to have to not kill her. My every breath, thought, and existence has been about not killing her. About remaining in absolute control. Carefully deciding how much blood and when, I need to control my appetite whilenot losing control completely. It’s been my sole focus. The only reason I’m still alive. Talonis and Amora have been helping me.”
“Good,” is all he says in response. But I know it’s not enough for him to fully trust me. I don’t trust myself fully. If the curse is now using Isolde to try to get me to kill her, then there is very little hope that she’ll survive this.
We both turn our attention toward Lumi. She shivers slightly in her sleep, and I frown. All I want is to protect her. Provide her warmth. Keep her safe. But that is beyond what I can give her. The only thing I can give her is not killing her.
Ambrose refuses to even sit, but I know it’s best if I do. Anything to keep me away from her. Anything that makes it harder for me to get to her, I should do.
So I sit in the furthest corner from her. But I don’t take my eyes off of her.
She whimpers, my heart jumps, but I remain seated. I can’t have any erratic movements that will get her killed. No intense emotions. Nothing that will harm her.
Ambrose looks at me with pity. Whatever he sees on my face is enough for him to speak to me in my mind,“It’s just a small nightmare, nothing more.”
“What is she dreaming about?”I ask, knowing that he can tap into her emotions, see her dreams.
He frowns.“It doesn’t matter.”
“She’s dreaming about me, isn’t she? I’m hurting her.”
Ambrose doesn’t answer, but I know I’m right. I look at Lumi, my eyes constantly searching for a way I can help her. My hands start to twitch before I rein them in by sitting on them to keep them steady. I can’t risk losing any of the control that I’ve carefully built.
I hate that I can’t protect her. That I’m her enemy now. The villain in her story as much as Isolde is. I’m the monster whocould kill her. I’m the love story that betrayed her. The one who fucked another, fell for another instead of her.
“She’s never going to let you go. Not completely. She may have severed her connection with you. You may have hurt her beyond repair. But it doesn’t matter. The connection you share is still there. It always will be. It’s the same reason why we all share markings on our bodies. There is something that connects us all. Something bigger than any of us. Something we might not ever understand, but it’s there. I won’t fault her for it,” he says, shifting our conversation away from the bond connection we have.
“But you faultmefor it,” I say as a statement, not a question.
“I hate you for it,” he says back honestly. And that hatred pours out of him as if he’s been holding back his feelings, blocking them from me until this very moment, releasing them until it’s all I can feel. A dark wave of hot coals stokes a fire through our bond.
I almost jump up from where I’m sitting as the intensity hits me. Sharp. Violent. Unforgiving. And yet, I don’t block him out. I force myself to feel his hatred for me.
I’m about to respond when Lumi stirs.
“Lumi?” I ask, assuming we’ve woken her.
She grips the blade tighter like she senses a threat in the room. I cast my own senses out—both wolf and vampire, trying to determine the threat she feels. But I don’t sense anything. If there is a threat, I can’t feel it like she does.