“Have you eaten?” he asks quietly.
I laugh, then groan. “I knew you were going to ask me that.”
“You know me so well already.” He takes my hand. “Come on. Let’s get you to this appointment.”
After locking the door, we walk down the stairs hand in hand. He moves at my pace. I notice him waiting to step when I do. To test him, I take a couple of steps faster. He follows.
I snort.
“What?” he says.
“Are you just going to mimic everything I do today?”
He smiles then, cheeks reddening again, bashful. He knows he’s been caught.
We make it to the car. He opens the door and I slide in. He closes the door softly as I secure my seatbelt, then he gets in the driver’s side.
We pull out into London traffic. The hospital isn’t far, only ten minutes away. And being mid-morning, traffic’s eased slightly, so we’re not fighting the pre-work rush. But it’s still busy enough that it takes a little bit of time.
We don’t really speak.
Ben pops the radio on, and some classical music plays quietly. I stare out the window, watching everyone go about their daily lives, completely unaware of what’s going on in mine.
The hospital is buzzing already, cars flying in and out of the car park. It never stops. It feels louder.
We arrive at the front door.
“Do you want me to come in with you?”
I pause. Part of me does. I want to say yes, but I should face this on my own. Because what if we don’t last?
I can’t start this process with support that I might not have.
“It’s okay. I’ll be fine.” I force a smile.
He nods once.
“I’ll wait right here,” he says. “And if you need me, you message me. Once you’ve seen the doctor, I’m taking you for breakfast before you go anywhere else.”
“I’ve already eaten,” I tell him, faking a scowl.
He laughs. “So you said, but I bet it was just a yogurt.”
He reaches for the hand set on my knee and squeezes reassuringly.
“Whatever it is, Antonia, and it’s probably nothing. Most are nothing—I’m here.”
My breath catches. I swallow it down before it turns into something I can’t control. Needing to touch him, I lean in and kiss him gently on the cheek.
“I know,” I whisper. “And I’m so glad you are.”
Before I say anything else, I push open the door and step out. I stand there for a moment, staring up at the hospital. The car door shuts softly behind me.
I don’t look back.
I don’t think I can.
If I do, I won’t go in alone.