“Hello, Bianca. This is Autumn from Dr. Lee’s office,” the young woman said.
“Hello, Autumn.”
“I’d like to schedule you for another imaging test,” Autumn said. “Dr. Lee would like to see how well the radiation is progressing, to see if it was effective or not,” she explained. “I know it’s last minute, but we have an opening in the morning. Can we squeeze you in?”
Suddenly her joy faded away. Thoughts of imaging, radiation, and cancer circled in her head when she’d tried so desperately to forget. She felt unsettled again. And the what ifs were back. What if the radiation didn’t get it all? What if it had spread to another part of her body? What if … what if … what if.
“Yes, I think I’m free in the morning,” she said reluctantly. A part of her wanted to put it off for as long as she could, but the other part—the logical one—wanted to know if the radiation was working. She wanted to know if the cancer had spread or if she was out of the woods.
“Does nine o’clock work?”
“Nine o’clock works fine.”
“Good, I have you down for nine o’clock tomorrow morning. Please fast from all food and drink after midnight tonight, just like you did before,” Autumn said, her voice chipper. “Do you have any questions?”
“No.”
“Great, then we’ll see you in the morning.”
She hung up. And then it only took a moment to schedule her Lyft for the morning.
The party was over.
Morning came quickly, and the ride to Napa seemed longer than usual. She lay on her back, the surface of the treatmenttable cold against her skin. The machine whirred, and Bianca held her breath as she focused on staying still, willing her body not to move. She only hoped the tumors continued to shrink and that the cancer was leaving her body.
When the door opened Dr. Jane Lee stepped in with her usual warmth, her smile bright like the sunshine. “Hello, Bianca, it’s good to see you.”
“You as well,” Bianca said, managing a small smile in return. She wished she didn’t have to see the woman as often, but for now, this was a part of her life—scans, treatments, tests. At least for the next year.
“We should have the imaging results in the next day or so,” Dr Lee said. “I’ll give you a call as soon as we have them.”
“Great. Hopefully the cancer is shrinking.”
“That’s my hope too,” Dr. Lee replied gently. “Can I say something?”
“Yes,” Bianca said and watched the woman intently, wondering what it was she needed permission to say.
“No matter what the results show, whether the cancer is shrinking or not, try to live every moment of your life. Don’t let it stop you.” Dr. Lee reached for her hand. “This is from a woman who is also a survivor.”
Bianca choked. Barely able to say, “Thank you.”
Dr. Lee gave her hand a tight squeeze, then let go. “Any questions for me today?”
Bianca shook her head. “No questions.” Her leg bounced beneath the paper gown. She couldn’t quite contain her nervous energy.
Dr. Lee reached out, resting her hand gently on Bianca’s arm. “Try to relax. We’ll take this one day at a time.”
And with that she relaxed.
When she called Remi she happened to be downtown picking up a few items from Oxbow Market. She talked herinto meeting for brunch. They chose a riverfront restaurant with shaded outdoor seating. A cool breeze drifted off the water and caused Bianca to tremble. By the time she arrived, Remi was there already, seated at a table under a striped umbrella, sunglasses perched on the top of her head and a mimosa in her hand. She waved as Bianca approached.
“Girl, you are looking very California. The golden state agrees with you,” Remi said and stood to embrace her.
Bianca smiled and removed her sunglasses. “I’m trying to make my way—ease into it.”
They sat, menus in hand, perusing to see what they were in the mood for.
Bianca pointed at Remi’s drink and told the server, “I’ll have one of those. Pomegranate.”