Remi struggled to tear herself away from Gerard, afraid to leave him even for a second. But she rushed to the bathroom, searched the medicine cabinet, sorted through the bottles of NyQuil, allergy medication, and vitamins in search of aspirin. There was none.
“We don’t have any!” she shouted into the phone.
“It’s okay,” the operator said.
Remi rushed back to the great room where Gerard lay stretched on the floor, his hands fallen to the side. Her voice shook as she managed to give the operator her location.
Earlier, she’d been in the mood for Ella Fitzgerald when she came home and listened as her voice belted from the old record player in the great room. “Summertime.” As she crouched on the floor next to Gerard, “Summertime” repeated over and over, and she wished she could make therecord stop, but she didn’t dare leave Gerard’s side again or stop trying to save him.
“The paramedics will be there shortly.” The operator’s voice was calm and soothing, a direct contrast to the panic attack Remi felt coming on. “Is he responsive?”
“He’s not moving.”
“I know it’s scary but try to keep calm.”
The operator’s voice dissipated as the phone slipped from her shoulder, fell to the floor. Tears fell from her eyes and stained his shirt. She trembled with fear, felt cold and then a tightening in her chest.
When the paramedics finally rushed into their home, a pool of tears had already flooded Remi’s face. She watched closely as they moved her out of the way and went to work to revive Gerard. Tears filled her eyes as she looked upward. Remi tried to ease herself into the chair that she’d sat in earlier but missed it. Her body collapsed to the floor instead. The world stood still. Her life had changed in an instant.
Her Gerard was gone.
Chapter Two
Remi
Three Weeks Later
Remi lay curled into a fetal position in the center of her bed, the curtains drawn, her mind racing, trying to make sense of her life now. It had been two days since she’d moved from that spot except to empty her bladder, and three weeks since she’d lost Gerard.
“Remi!” A familiar voice echoed through the house. “Remi, are you here?”
She heard the voice but didn’t respond—couldn’t. Her entire body felt numb. She didn’t move when she heard the footsteps on the wooden stairs. Remi didn’t even flinch when she finally saw Bianca appear in the doorway.
“Oh no, Remi.” Bianca moved toward the curtains and pulled them open.
Remi frowned as daylight swept against her face.
“How long have you been like this? Have you been downstairs? When was the last time you had something to eat?”
Remi shrugged. There were too many questions she didn’t feel like answering coming her way.
Bianca sat on the edge of the bed. “Oh honey, you have to get up. You cannot stop living.”
Tears burned Remi’s eyes.Why couldn’t she stop living?
“You have to get up, honey.” Bianca pulled her up and into her bosom. “You seriously need a shower.”
Remi was wearing the same green sweatpants and a pink and green T-shirt with the letters AKA embroidered on it that she’d worn two days before. Her light brown, curly tresses a beautiful mess on her head.
“I don’t know if I can go on.” She said it softly, her voice trembling. Her head hurt from all the crying.
“Yes, you can, sweetheart. And you will. You’re strong, and capable. And you have to be strong, for Zoe. She will need you now more than ever.”
Remi breathed in deeply, thinking of her daughter. “I know.”
“She’ll be home for the summer soon, right?” Bianca asked.
“Yes,” Remi whispered. Having to face Zoe and have those hard conversations about Gerard’s death caused Remi’s chest to tighten. She was dealing with her own grief; she didn’t know if she was capable of dealing with her daughter’s too.