“I didn’t know,” I say stiffly, “that it was your childhood room.”
“Really? I assumed that’s why you picked it.”
My mouth drops open. “It was not! I picked it because it’s the farthest away from yours, you self-obsessed—”
His laughter interrupts my diatribe. “Gods, you’re easily riled. I’m teasing you.”
I do not know whether to laugh with him or gut him with my dagger. Since I am rather grateful for the fresh clothing and unwilling to spatter it with blood, I decide to practice mercy.
“I can sleep in a different suite, if—” I break off. After an awkward swallow, I try again. “Now that I’ll be here for a longer stretch, I could find another place to sleep.”
He waves away my words. “Don’t be ridiculous. I meant it when I said the villa is yours to explore for however long you are here. Make yourself at home.”
“Right.” My throat feels oddly thick. “Thank you for the clothing. And…the dagger.” I finger its ornate handle. “It means a lot to me.”
There is a charged beat of silence. Soren’s mouth opens, then shuts again. As though he was about to say something, only to reconsider his words. When he does speak, his tone is deceptively light. “Yes, well. You’re lucky dark blue favors your coloring.”
“Your people wear many shades of color,” I point out.
Yesterday, the streets were a rainbow of skirts and cloaks, with both men and women in all manner of dress. I saw everything from pale yellow breeches to a gauzy gown of aquamarinethat reminded me ever so much of the one Soren gifted to me all those months ago at the Acrine Hold. It, like so much else, was lost to me at Fyremas. But I have not forgotten how it felt to wear it. How the many shades of blue rippled with each stride, so I felt like a shore-bound sea creature.
“Those associated with the royal family or who work in an official capacity in the capital typically don the Llyrian standard.” Soren shrugs. “You are free to wear whatever you’d like. There are plenty of shopkeepers down in the city who would be thrilled to outfit you. There’s enough coin in your desk drawer to purchase anything your heart desires. Or, if you’d rather not spend your days shopping, simply ask one of the staff. They’ll provide whatever you need.”
“I thought you did not keep a staff.”
“Typically, I don’t. But the upcoming wedding will require more than even my sublime cooking skills to keep everyone fed.”
I arch my brows. “Sublimeseems a stretch.”
“Must we have another conversation about your penchant for lying?”
“No.” My eyes shoot daggers at him. “Though I would like to have a conversation about your behavior last night. If we are to do this—if you are to train me—it must be with the understanding that some things are off-limits.”
He considers this for a moment, then shakes his head.
“Why are you shaking your head?”
“No limits. No boundaries. And no more bloody restrictions.” His voice goes slightly rough. “I would think you’d had your fill of those in Caeldera.”
“So you are to…what? Invade my mind every time you please?”
“Hardly. Last night was a lesson. One I did not undertake lightly, and one I would not have resorted to unless I felt it wastruly necessary. As you are now, you lack the strength to guard your mind against threats, as well as control your own power. We may channel, but I will not invade your thoughts again. Not until you invite me in.”
“Don’t hold your breath.”
He carries on as though I have not spoken. “That said, for this to work, for you to make progress with your power, you must open yourself up to everything. Let go of this incorrectly ingrained idea that you ought to lock your thoughts inside your head and your emotions inside your heart. You must allow yourself to feel everything, without limit. Without recourse.”
My pulse picks up speed as I contemplate that. It is contrary to everything I have been taught to this point. “Penn says emotions are a liability.”
“Pendefyre is a bloody idiot.” Soren pushes off the terrace railing and crosses to stand before me. “The king of restraint has no business giving lectures. Emotions are not a liability; they are a limitless resource. You want to wield your power like me? You need tofeelit. All of it. Every damn bit of pain and passion and desire.” His eyes glitter as they hold mine. “Repression never got anyone anywhere except dead.”
We stare at each other for a long moment. Eventually, I clear my throat. “Where do we start?”
My whole frame tenses as he reaches toward me, but he merely plucks a wispy raven feather from the sleeve of my tunic and holds it between us. His mouth tugs up at one side. “With something small.”
Chapter
fourteen