“I told you—”
“You lied.”
“I did not!”
“You can try to deceive me with words, Rhya,” Penn growls, leaning in. His eyes flicker down to the low-cut bodice of my dress, where my Remnant is on full display between my breasts. My chest is heaving with each breath, a rapid rise and fall I cannot control. “But the bond between us does not lie.”
“For the last time,” I grit out. “Stop. Reading. My. Emotions.”
“I will, when you learn to shut me out.”
“You are the most arrogant, hateful, obstinate—Gods!Sometimes I cannot stand you!” I jolt against his hold, but he does not yield so much as a finger. “Let me go!”
“Do you think I don’t know how you feel about me? Bond or no, I am fully aware you despise me. How could I not be? You have told me time and again.” His eyes narrow to slits. “I know you wish our paths had never crossed, that I had never found you, that I had never brought you here.”
“That’s not true!”
“Isn’t it?”
“No!”
“Then what is the truth?” He shakes me lightly when I give no reply. “Honestly, do you think Iwantto read your emotions, Rhya? Do you think it is pleasant for me, day after day, to remain near you, mere paces away, and not be affected by all you feel? Do you think I enjoy trying to hold myself in check when your emotions blast at me in a constant torrent?” He yanks me closer—so close, our noses bump. “Everything you feel pours straight into me, from your heart to mine, no matter how I try to keep you out. No matter how I try to hold you at arm’s length. Trust me, I wish more than anything that you would learn to shut me out.Fucking hell!Do you think I am made of stone?”
I reel back, as though he’s struck me a physical blow. I do not get far with him still gripping my arm in a granite hold.
“I’m sorry it’s so unpleasant to be around me!” I seethe at him, seeing red. “I suggest we return to your plan of mutual avoidance in the future. I promise not to seek you out again, since being near me is such anintolerableburden for you!”
With that, I manage to wrench my arm out of his grip and whirl around. I am suddenly desperate for distance. I am very close to tears; the last thing I want is for him to witness them. ButI only make it a handful of steps before two hands close around my biceps from behind, halting me in my tracks yet again.
I let out an angry half scream. But the sound evaporates in my throat as the warm plane of Penn’s chest presses against my back. His head lowers to the crook of my neck, his lips brushing the sensitive lobe of my ear, and I go still.
Still down to my soul.
“Rhya,” Penn whispers, his voice cracking. “Don’t you understand? You…you have undone me completely. I look at you, I touch you, I sense you near me, and I…” His voice pitches lower, barely audible. “I pride myself on staying in control of all things. I am a master at it. But these days, I hardly recognize myself. I am a raw nerve, run ragged from trying to keep myself in check each time I’m near you.”
“And how do you think I feel?”
His whole frame tightens.
“Iwas not the one who created distance.Iwas not the one who put up this new wall,” I remind him, voice thick. “You are the one who wanted to forget what happened between us.”
“Rhya—”
“You made me feel like you regretted it,” I cut him off. “Regrettedme.”
His forehead presses against my nape. “I know. I know, and I’m sorry. Gods, I know this isn’t fair to you. I know that I’ve hurt you, pushed you away. But I do not know how else to be around you without…without…”
“Without what, Penn?” I ask the shadows, wishing I could see his face. “Without admitting you cannot contain every emotion every minute of every day? That you are just as fallible as the rest of us—and just as capable of feelings, even if you see them as a liability?”
“Theyarea liability.”
“Perhaps to you, but not to me!” My anger lashes out like a whip. “You see us as a risk not worth taking, but I never saw us that way! At least, not until you started holding me at arm’s length. Not until you started acting as though we mean nothing to each other.”
“I have responsibilities. I have a kingdom I am accountable to. I do not have the luxury of chasing after the things I want without a thought to the consequences.” He pauses, voice dropping to an almost inaudible volume. “I would rather you hate me and be safe than put you at risk by…”
“By what?” Tears gloss my eyes. “By letting me love you?”
He presses closer, his body straining to erase our distance even as his dark words push me away. “It would be better if you hated me.”