Startled, my eyes flash to Penn’s face. “He was one of your most trusted men. A loyal lieutenant for years.”
“A miscalculation I will not soon forget,” he vows coldly. “I hold no quarter for traitors. He will receive no funeral pyre, no last rites. Let him lie there until the animals carry off his bones to bleach beneath the sun. Let his soul wander for an eternity of banishment.”
“Penn—”
“He was meant to keep you safe! I entrusted him with the most important of duties in my absence. The most sacred. And at the first opportunity, he betrayed me. Betrayed you. Betrayed all of us, for if you are lost, so is our best hope.”
“But, Penn—”
“No.No.I will not hear another word spoken in his defense. He would have taken you from me. He would have condemnedme to a life without you.” The words are uttered with such seething wrath, my heart skips a beat. “If he were not already dead, I’d kill him myself. And, Rhya…” His eyes hold mine; there is no mistaking the sincerity in them. “I would enjoy it.”
Beneath my cloak, I wrap my arms around myself, in part to keep from trembling. Mostly, though, to keep from reaching for him. The urge is so strong, it takes all my focus to resist. I find myself wishing that, just once, Penn would allow his own unflagging self-control to crack wide open. That he would let go of his own resistance, pull me into his arms, and…and…
“Put out the fire and gather your things. It’s time to go,” he says, his fury buried—along with my foolish fantasies. “We have a long journey home.”
I don’t move. “Caeldera is not my home. I’m not going back.”
“You are.”
“No,” I whisper tersely. “I am not.”
“Where are you going, then?”
Scowling, I glance away. “Does it matter?”
“Damn it, Rhya—”
“Just let me go! You said it yourself: you have a million other responsibilities to deal with. You don’t need me there to complicate your life.”
“And what if I want you there?” he asks softly—so softly, my eyes jerk back to his face before I can stop them.
“Penn—”
“What if I want you complicating my life? What if I told you I can’t sleep or see straight without knowing you’re safe? What if I said just the thought of you being hurt, being killed, is enough to tear me to shreds?”
I can only stare at him. There is no way to speak—not with my heart lodged in my throat. But the bond between us speaks for me. It aches like a knife twist. My emotions spill out like lifeblood.
Regret and remorse. Fear and foolish hope. Most devastating of all,longing. Such longing, I lose my breath. Such longing, it nearly crushes all my convictions.
“You’re running,” Penn says, his eyes holding mine captive. “Running scared.”
“I’m not.”
“You are and you know it.”
“And what do I have to be scared of?” I scoff to cover my fear. “You?”
“Yourself. Your own capabilities.”
My teeth clench. “I’ll learn to contain my power. To control it. I just need more practice. More time.”
“I wasn’t talking about your Remnant, Rhya. I was talking about Gower.”
There is no concealing my flinch. “I don’t know what he has to do with this.”
“You killed a man.”
I flinch again. My voice cracks out like a whip. “It was mercy. He was dying.”