“Go on, then.” Cade’s hand lifted toward me, palm out. “Touch me. See for yourself what I remember.”
“What?”
He waggled his fingers.
My spine was like an iron rod. My voice was raw. “Don’t mock me.”
“I’m not. I’m being perfectly serious,” he said — and I could tell from the gravity in his eyes that he meant it. “I’ve got nothing to hide. Told you your first night in town, I’m an open book. If you want to go riffling around inside my head looking for answers, have at it. There’s nothing in there I wouldn’t tell you myself, if you asked.”
I stared at his hand in horror — not at his suggestion, but at the realization thatI wanted to. I wanted to touch him, more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life. More than I wanted my parents back, alive and breathing. More than I wanted my uncle to evaporate in a puff of smoke. More than I wanted Adrian to leave me the hell alone.
I wanted to slide my hands across his skin, to feel that thick silver-threaded hair against my fingertips. I wanted to see if, beneath the perfectly packaged exterior, he was just as kind and strong and warm as he seemed to be.
But…
What if he wasn’t?
What if I touched him and saw nothing but darkness? What if, like Adrian, his thoughts were full of deceptions and trap-doors, lies and disappointments?
He’d be knocked right off that pedestal I’d put him on, his Hero-Hair nothing but a foolish hope. And, selfishly, I wanted to keep him there. Crystalized in my memory forever, a rare unblemished chapter of my sad, twisted tale.
“No,” I said flatly, pressing harder against the countertop. “Just… Just tell me.”
Cade’s eyes flashed with strong emotion as his hand slowly dropped back to his side. He locked it away before I could decipher what it was, settling his mask of composure firmly in place.
“I was just a beat cop back then, not a detective,” he said without delay. “I wasn’t in the bull pen. I was out canvassing the streets like everyone else. Looking for the Crawford kid.”
“Joey,” I whispered.
“Joey,” Cade repeated. His voice was a soft blow, straight to the heart. He sucked in a breath, then continued. “That night, when you first came in, I was on duty. My shift had just started, and it was chaos at the station. Phones ringing off the hook with leads, press hounding us for answers. The parents out front, crying as they gave their statement. Everyone was rushing around, utter bedlam. Everyone… except you.”
I was no longer breathing.
“I walked through the waiting room and there you were. Just sitting there, totally still. Totally calm. Like the eye of a hurricane.” His jaw clenched tight. “Stopped me in my fucking tracks.”
God.
He was telling the truth.
I remembered that night. I remembered sitting there in that waiting room like it was yesterday. I’d been nervous. This wasn’t like any of the other cases I’d consulted on. I wasn’t giving a tip to solve a home invasion or bringing a cold case back into the warm light of day. This was a missing kid. He was still out there.
And he was in danger.
Unsure as I was about getting involved in something so serious, I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t follow through on the vision I’d had earlier that evening. I’d been nineteen at the time. Working at a diner, trying to scrape together enough in tips to afford my share of the rent in a shitty apartment I split with two roommates in a sketchy part of town. Barely able to afford food and bus fare.
The man had come in late, ordered dinner to-go. He’d barely made eye-contact, let alone conversation. But he bumped into me when he hurried for the door, knocking the tray I was bussing right out of my hands. Mybarehands. I didn’t like to get my gloves dirty when I was clearing tables and wiping food scraps.
Funny how one vain, inconsequential choice can damn you for all time, isn’t it?
When we collided, I’d nearly gone sailing. Instinctually, I’d grabbed hold of the man’s arm, to stop my descent. And?—
Bam.
Purple sparks had exploded at my temples.
The door to the basement is locked. The man makes sure before he leaves the house. Not once, not twice.
Five times.