“They aren’t mixed. They’re clear as day. Loathing. Hatred. Resentment. Wrath.”
“Okay! Okay. If you say we hate him, we hate him. Solidarity, sister.” She set down her wine glass on the side table and scooted her chair closer to mine, so she could look into my face. “I just think,maybe, there’s a chance that… it’s easier to hate him than to admit what you really feel.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be on my side, here?”
“I am on your side! But…”
My brows arched. “What?”
“Love and hate are two sides of the same coin, that’s all I’m saying. The way you describe your feelings for him… the way he’s able to rattle you like nobody else… that’s not something to just throw away because it scares you.”
“You act like I’ve never dated before. I’ve had relationships with plenty of men! Nice, well-adjusted men, who didn’t drive me insane or push my buttons just for the fun of it, who didn’t goad me into a reaction because it amuses them.”
“Right. But — and don’t kill me for saying this — you didn’t love any of those men. When those relationships ended, you barely blinked. You weren’t heartbroken. You weren’t shattered. You weren’t even upset.”
I chewed my bottom lip. “So?”
“So, Graham is different. You know this. It’s why you’ve been avoiding him for so long — even when he’s made it pretty damn apparent he’d like you tostopavoiding him.” She hesitated for a beat, as if deciding whether or not to say the next part aloud. “Graham can absolutely come across like an arrogant asshole, but… I think deep down he’s just as scared of starting something with you.”
“Graham Graves?Scared?” I snorted. “He’s not scared of anything.”
“Fine. Whatever.” She threw up her hands, exasperated. “I’m just saying, be careful. Love — especially new love — is so delicate. So unbearably fragile. It can shatter if you don’t handle it correctly. And those shatters can cut you. Deep.”
“I don’t want tohandle it, delicately or otherwise. Don’t you understand? I have no interest in falling in love, Flo! Not with him, not with anyone. I’m perfectly content with my life, just as it is. I don’t need a partner. I have friends, I have the shop, I have my house. I live in a cute, quirky town with cute, quirky people. Everything is—”
Fine.
There was that word again. I caught myself before it slipped out, wishing I couldn’t hear Graham’s voice in my head.
Christ, Gwen! Don’t you understand? You deserve so much more than fine!
I shook the memory off, returning my focus to my best friend. “I know you don’t understand. You have Desmond, he makes you happy. Seeing that makes me so happy for you. But the way I grew up, the way that I am… I just don’t think that sort of a relationship is ever going to be in the cards for me. I’m not built for that longterm, lifelong, finish-each-other’s-sentences, can’t-eat-can’t-sleep-without-you, star-crossed soulmates sort of thing. I’m used to holding everything together on my own. To counting only on myself. I don’t know how to be any other way.”
“It breaks my heart to hear you say that,” Florence whispered, her voice thick with emotion. “Because, Gwen, you may not think you’re built for a relationship like that, but I don’t know anyone on this planet more deserving of one.”
I didn’t know what else to say, so I didn’t say anything at all.
“What were you doing there in the first place?” she asked eventually, steering the conversation into safer waters. “At Graham’s office?”
“He dragged me in there and ambushed me about Madame Zelda.”
“Is he looking for a tarot reading?”
I quickly filled Florence in on everything I’d learned about the psychic’s criminal enterprises, the O’Banion family, and Graham’s involvement.
“Let me get this straight,” she murmured. “The psycho dumpster dude from the other day isMickey O’Banion?And he’s hired Graham to track down Zelda, because he suspects she stolehalf a million dollarsworth of jewelry from hisdying motherduring their private readings at the family home? A family which, by all accounts, is not justanyfamily, but an offshoot of amafiafamily full of hellions and hotheads, most of whom have already served time, all of whom are out for blood and clearly willing to serve more?”
“That pretty much sums it up.”
“And when Graham finds her, he’s going to hand her over to said psycho family?”
“Seems that way.”
“Even if she’s innocent?”
“Apparently, he doesn’t care.”
“Damn.” Flo blew out a breath. “I guess that explains why she’s been out of work.”