Jo.
Jaxon.
Tommy.
I pull a pillow over my face and scream until I run out of air.
SEVENTEEN
josephine
“I’m gettingon the next plane.”
“Ollie.” I sigh for the third time in as many minutes, my exasperation increasing exponentially with each breath. I try to keep my voice level. “Please. You’re overreacting about all of this.”
“You nearly died yesterday. Forgive me if I’m a bit frantic at the moment.”
“I told you, I’m totally fine.”
He’s silent for a long stretch. “I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t want me there to support you after an ordeal like this.”
“It’s not necessary, that’s why. I know how busy you are at VALENT. I’m not going to drag you halfway across the world when there’s no justifiable basis for it.”
“So… that’s the only reason?”
“I don’t follow.”
He hesitates a beat. “There’s no other reason you don’t want me coming there, right?”
“Of course not!” My pulse is pounding as the words rush out. “Why would you even ask something like that?”
“You’ve been so distant since you got there. You barely call me. You don’t answer my texts or emails. I feel like… like I’m losing you.”
My eyes press closed. God, I’m the worst girlfriend ever. “I’m so sorry, Oliver. Really, I am. Being back here has been a bit more difficult than I thought it would be. I promise from now on I’ll reach out more. I’ll communicate so much, you’ll be sick of me.”
“That, I assure you, would be impossible.” I can hear the smile twisting the edges of his voice. “I miss you, Josephine. Geneva has gone gray in your absence.”
My heart pangs. He’s so sweet, it makes me ache. Not with longing, but with something closer to contrition. “I miss you too, Ollie.”
“Do you?”
“Of course I do.”
“Okay. Okay, that’s good to hear.”
His sharp exhale of relief is audible across the line. My guilty conscience rears its ugly head. The poor man is starved for reassurance and affection.
“It won’t be this way forever,” I remind him.
“Does that mean you’ve made a decision about your attendance at Brown?”
“I have another meeting with my academic advisor in a few weeks. I’ll have to tell her whether or not I’m enrolling for next semester when I get there.”
“Ah. I see.”
There’s an awkward silence. I get the sense he’s waiting for me to tell him my decision right now, while we’re discussing it. But I can’t do that. Because that would require me knowing what I’m going to decide. And the truth is, I have no clearer picture of my future in mind than I did the last time we spoke. I still have no idea what to do about Brown, about VALENT, about Archer. About anything.
“Well,” Ollie says somewhat stiffly. “I have a meeting in a few minutes with your parents about the marketing budget for next quarter…”