We are both broken. But somehow, our breaks fit together like two halves from the same fracture. And I’d rather be a mess by his side than perfect with anyone else.
The silence has stretched on for far too long. My empty ring finger suddenly feels uncomfortably conspicuous. I set the pamphlets on the desk and tuck my own hands out of sight. Oliver’s eyes move across the glossy words printed on the front.
“Financial aid?” His brows are arched. “Why would you need financial aid? You parents…”
“My parents won’t be paying for my education.” I suck in a breath. “My parents won’t be paying for anything in my life from this point on.”
“Josephine, what are you talking about?”
“I’m done taking their money. It’s not worth the strings attached.”
“What strings? What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about Blair and Vincent wielding their fortune like a weapon.”
“They’re philanthropists—”
“They’re also controlling, condescending monsters with an infinitesimally small margin for making mistakes. At least where their daughter is concerned.” I shake my head back and forth. “I don’t expect you to understand, Oliver.”
“I’m trying to understand, Josephine. I am. But to do that properly, I’ll need a better explanation about what’s going on.”
“What’sgoing onis I found out just how far my darling parents are willing to go to control my life. What’sgoing onis I realized they’re never going to let me be free — not while I’m still beholden to them financially.”
“You talk like they’re keeping you in a cage.”
“They are, though! By keeping me at VALENT… by getting me to give up on my own dreams, in order to carry on their legacy… Don’t you see? I’m in a cage of their expectations. A prisoner to the conditional love of two people who are supposed to love me unconditionally.”
His posture stiffens. “Forgive me. I didn’t realize Geneva has been such a terrible prison for you.”
“Ollie… you know that’s not what I meant. Geneva is lovely. You are lovely. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that being there… deferring my own dreams just to win the approval of two people who I now see are never going to give it…” I shake my head. “I can’t do it anymore. I won’t do it anymore.”
“So you’re staying. You’re going to Brown in the fall.”
I nod. “I spoke to my advisor. She thinks she can help find me a few academic scholarships. I’ll apply for financial aid. Take out loans. Whatever I have to do to make this work.” A thrill moves through me, electric and wild. I’ve made my decision. And it’s remarkably liberating. I’m empowered in a way I haven’t in so long, I barely recognize the feeling. My voice practically rings with conviction. “I’m going to study design in one of the best arts programs in the country. I’m going to work my ass off. And one day, I’m going to build an empire of sustainable fashion that flips the whole industry on its head.”
There’s a prolonged silence. Oliver is looking at me with a strange mix of trepidation and confusion. As though I’ve just pulled a rug out from beneath his feet without warning.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask. “You knew I was planning to pursue design. I showed you my portfolio months ago, when we first met. We talked about this.”
“I guess… I didn’t think you were serious.”
My eyes narrow. “Why wouldn’t I be serious?”
“Josephine…” He hedges, avoiding my question. He’s getting a bit red around the collar. “This is all happening so fast. And it’s such a big decision. Don’t you think you need to give it a bit more time?”
“I’ve given it a year.”
“Let’s sleep on it. Okay? We can talk it over in the morning. Or, better yet, we can fly back home to Geneva and discuss it with your parents.”
I go still.
He doesn’t seem to notice. He tries to smile through his growing agitation. “Maybe there’s a way you can incorporate some of your passions into future plans at VALENT.”
“No.” I shake my head, rejecting the words. I can hardly believe he’d suggest something like that. “No, that’s not what I want.”
His smile is losing the battle against a growing scowl of frustration. “Fine. If that’s how you feel…fine. But I wish you’d hesitate before flying off the handle. I wish you’d at least talk to Blair and Vincent.”
“I don’t want to talk to them. All they do is lie, and deceive, and manipulate.”