Shit.
Someone’s in serious trouble — and that someone appears to beme. I gulp nervously as he reaches the waist-high partition dividing our balconies.
Before I can conjure a single cohesive sentence to ask what the hell he thinks he’s doing, Carter swings his long legs over the stone railing and hops smoothly onto my side. There’s a soft crunch of snow beneath his dress shoes as he lands, then quickly closes the distance between us. My eyes are wide when he stops in front of me, still glaring like I’ve just insulted his favorite brand of scotch. My fingers are so tight around my mug, I think I’ve lost circulation.
“W-what—”
“Are you trying to freeze to death?” Carter snaps, shoving the blanket roughly over my shoulders. “It’s subzero out here.”
“I… I was…”
His dark brows lift, two angry slashes across his forehead. “What? Standing out here in your fucking pajamas, hoping to catch the plague?”
“Maybe,” I mutter, chastised by his scolding.
“Christ, Emilia.”
“Don’t yell at me!”
“Don’t make dangerous decisions, then.”
“I’m standing on my balcony drinking coffee, not scaling Everest barefoot. I wouldn’t call thisliving on the edge. But thanks so much for the show of condescension.”
He holds his hands up in surrender. “Fine. Whatever. I’m late for my meeting anyway.”
“No one’s keeping you hostage here! By all means, go finalize your plans to flee the country!”
His eyes narrow on mine. “Careful. I might actually start to think you care about me leaving.”
“Of course Icare,” I snap, exasperated. “God, are you ever going to be done punishing me for pushing you away after Linus died? I apologized, Carter. Pretty profusely.”
His nostrils flare with anger, but his words are wound tight with self-control. “This isn’t about that. This is about something much bigger, and you know it.”
Stiffening, I turn away to set my coffee cup down on the terrace ledge with a clatter. My fingers grip the icy stone like a lifeline. “I don’t know anything.”
He scoffs. “Bullshit.”
“It’s not bullshit.” I blink hard, hoping it’ll make my eyes stop pricking. “And even if it is, I’m not sure why I should discuss the facets of my life with someone who’s stepping out of it in a few days’ time. What good will come of rehashing ancient history?”
“Is that what we are, Emilia? Ancient history?”
I pull in a sharp breath, trying like hell to keep my voice even. To hide the fact that, with each word he speaks, the crude thread I used to stitch my heart back together three months ago comes a little more undone inside my chest. “The past is the past. It’ll be easier for both of us in the long run if we let it stay there.”
“Easier,” he echoes bitterly.
I bite my lip and fix my eyes on the castle grounds, unable to meet his stare. Unable to even respond.
What could I possibly say?
He’s leaving… and I can’t give him a single reason to stay. No matter how much I’d like to. We have backed ourselves into an impossible corner and I can see no viable way out. Not without doing irreparable damage to us both.
There’s a long silence — so long, I think Carter must’ve gone back inside. I’m about to turn and check when he finally shatters it. His voice is so, low, so intent, it sends shivers down my spine that have nothing to do with the cold.
“How long are you going to pretend we can continue to exist like this? You don’t want me to go to Switzerland and build a future of my own, but you sure as hell won’t make a place for me here in yours. So where exactly does that leave me, Emilia? What possible reason do I have to stick around?”
The terrace is just about the only thing keeping me upright. I shake my head uselessly. I don’t have a single word to say in my own defense. I don’t have an answer for him. Not one he wants to hear, anyway.
“You’re the most powerful woman in this country,” Carter says quietly at my back. “But you’re still just as trapped by this life as you were last fall, when we first met. You’re a queen. Stop acting like a pawn.”