An empty bed.
An empty life.
“So… what? You’re just going to be alone forever? Live here, in this giant fucking castle, all by yourself, watching the years slip away? Watching life and love pass you by, because you’re too scared to risk the possibility that someone close to you might get hurt?” Carter scoffs scornfully. “Do you have any idea how fuckingstupidthat sounds?”
“Maybe it is stupid! MaybeI’mstupid. But I’m also a girl who lost both her parents. I’m a girl who watched forty people slaughtered right in front of her eyes. And I’m a girl who has a hell of a lot of human lives resting in her hands. Every decision I make from this point onward has far-reaching consequences — for me, for them, for the people closest to me. For a whole godforsaken kingdom, Carter!”
“Jesus Christ, Emilia! Even if you keep everyone at arms length, even if you surround them in plastic bubble wrap and shove them out of harm’s way for their entire lives…they’llstill die someday. We all do. It’s inescapable.”
“I know that.”
“Do you? Do you really?”
My eyes narrow. “You don’t have to talk to me about death. I am intimately familiar with it. More than most people ever have to be.”
“Then, more than most people, you should be determined tolive.” His eyes blaze with fire. “Wouldn’t you rather take your final curtain call knowing you lived your life to the fullest? Wouldn’t you rather head into the light having loved, and—” His voice breaks. “And been loved in return?”
I don’t even think I’m breathing, anymore.
“I mean, for fuck’s sake…” He runs two hands through his hair, mussing it instantly. His frustration is bleeding out in waves. “I can’t think of a single better reason to die than by the side of the person you love most. Can you?”
I stare at him for a long moment. I’m more than a little stunned to hear those words coming out of his mouth.
“What?” His forehead furrows. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I’m just surprised.”
“By?”
“The aloof, untouchable Lord Carter Thorne… is a closet romantic.” My brows are so high, they’ve nearly disappeared into my hairline. “Who would’ve ever guessed?”
“Maybeyoushould’ve.” He takes a step closer, not quite touching me… but so close, I can see the dark navy rings around his irises in perfect clarity. “And maybe you should ask yourself why the thought of missing your shot at love doesn’t terrify you just as badly as losing the actualpersonyou love in some freak accident.”
“I don’t need to ask. I already know the answer to that, Carter. Because given the choice between hurting myself and hurting someone else… I’ll throw myself on the grenade every damn time. I’ll happily take the pain, if it means sparing someone else.”
“There you go again, assuming love is one-sided.” His words are practically a growl. “It isn’t a fucking club membership you can opt in and out of without affecting anyone else. It’s not exclusivelyyours. Love is something shared between two people. By closing yourself off to it… you aren’t just taking that pain on yourself. You aren’t protecting the person you’re meant to spend your life with. You’re simply eliminating their chance at happiness along with your own. That’s not selfless, Emilia. It’s the opposite.”
Abruptly, I notice how close we are — in the heat of our argument, our bodies have angled inward, two magnets repelling and attracting with equal force. At this proximity, I can see every striation of cerulean in those incredible ocean eyes of his, every wave of color on their surfaces, breaking like an irrepressible tide.
We’re both breathing too hard, our faces inches apart, the tension between us a palpable, electric shimmer in the air. I’m not sure whether I want to shake his shoulders or wrap my arms around them and hug him tight; whether I want to scream at him until he listens to me or allow my own convictions to cave beneath the weight of truth embedded in his own words.
Carter Thorne, notorious man-whore, is lecturing me about love and commitment.
It’s so shocking, I’d laugh if I could summon any amusement at all. Mouth gaping, heart hammering my ribs like a blacksmith’s anvil, I strive for a level tone but my voice comes out so shaky, I hardly recognize it as my own. “I don’t want to fight with you, Carter. I can’t. Not tonight.”
His jaw tightens dangerously. “And when, exactly, would be convenient for you to discuss this, Your Majesty? Let me guess — never?”
“No, I just—”
“You just want to keep tabling this discussion — and every discussion — that makes you question what the hell you’re doing here.”
“That’s not fair! I’ve never claimed to make all the right decisions. I’ve never claimed to be perfect.” I swallow nervously, wishing I could breathe properly but knowing there’s not a chance in hell of that. Not when he’s looking at me that way — furious and frustrated and so fucking gorgeous it makes my soul ache.
“I don’t need you to be perfect, Emilia. I need you to be honest. Not just with me or with Chloe — with yourself.”
“I’m trying!”
“Are you? Because it seems to me you’rehiding. Hiding in this castle, avoiding everything that doesn’t have a clearcut solution. Avoiding—”