“Carter—”
He stiffens when I say his name. “You should leave. Find Chloe, get in your car, and go.”
My eyes sting, wounded by the utter emptiness in his voice. “If that’s what you want.”
He laughs bitterly. “When has what I want ever been a factor in our relationship?”
My eyes press closed to contain the threat of tears. “I can’t have this fight. Not again. Not with you. I… I’ll go. I’m sorry I disturbed you. It wasn’t intentional, believe me.”
I turn to leave, feeling the first tracks of tears begin to leak from my eyes.
“Are you going to marry him?”
The question stops me dead in my tracks. I can’t answer. I can’t even move. I am paralyzed, listening to the sound of Carter’s footsteps as he closes in on me. He stops at my back — not touching me, but almost. Close enough that I can feel the warmth of his breath stirring the hair at the nape of my neck. Close enough that, if I leaned back, our bodies would brush together.
“Emilia.”
A shiver moves through my body — the first warning rumbles of an impending earthquake.
“Are. You. Going. To. Marry. Him.” Carter’s voice is practically a growl. “Answer me.”
“I don’t know,” I admit brokenly.
“You don’t know?” He leans in, his mouth brushing the shell of my ear. “Is that the truth?”
I lock my lips together, not sure whether I’m containing a sob or a moan. Where Carter is concerned, damage and desire are always engaged in a deadly dance, divided by a razor-thin line. I balance on its precipice, wondering which way we’ll fall this time around.
“I think you do know,” he whispers viciously. “I think you’ve already decided. You just haven’t admit it to yourself yet.”
I shiver again, more violently this time.
“You’re going to marry Sterling. Solidify your position. Stabilize the kingdom. Isn’t that right, Emilia?”
“Yes.”
My affirmation is barely audible.
His returning silence is deafening.
An eternity seems to pass before he finally speaks again. His voice is laced with pain so potent, it feels tangible in the air around us.
“I don’t know what I did in a past life, but it must’ve been truly terrible to earn this torment.”
I whirl around to face him. He’s so near — scant inches away. I could drown in his eyes. There is an ocean of sadness swimming inside them.
“Is that what I am to you?” I choke. “A torment?”
“No.”
“What then? A regret?”
“Aghost.” The word bursts from his lips like a curse. “I can see you there, but I cannot touch you. Cannot feel your skin on mine. Cannot pull you into my arms. You’ve disappeared completely. And yet, you are here — haunting me.”
“Do you think it’s intentional? Do you truly believe I’d purposely hurt you?”
He doesn’t answer. A muscle ticks in his jaw.
“Do you think this doesn’t hurt me, too? That I haven’t been dying without you, these past few weeks? That I don’t lie awake at night wishing I could talk to you?” My voice cracks, another fault line opening within me. “You are the keeper of my secrets and the owner of my soul. Not seeing you every day… not touching you or kissing you or holding you or just breathing your air… it is torture, Carter.Torture.”