Turning the page, I find a whole series of photographs — me, walking through the halls of the hospital. Me, shaking the hand of a WWII veteran. Me, listening intently to a PTSD expert in the trauma center. Even the most cursory scan of the accompanying article tells me it’s a highly flattering portrait of Germania’s newest monarch.
“So you see,” Linus murmurs. “Your actions do have meaning, to a great many people. You do have a purpose, Emilia. It simply may be different than the one you’d planned for yourself before.”
My heart clenches. I glance up at him, feeling more confused than ever. “But… this? Politics and princess duties? I don’t have any idea what I’m doing.”
“Precisely. That’s why they love you.”
Folding the paper, I set it aside so I’ll stop looking at the photos. “Loveseems like a bit of a stretch.”
In fact,hatemay be more appropriate — especially among certain anti-monarchy circles, as I experienced firsthand only yesterday. I can’t help wondering why there are no photos in the paper documentingthatcharming crowd interaction.
Under normal circumstances, I might ask Linus about it — how often these protests are happening, whether there’s any way he can rein in Bane’s excessive use of force, if there’s any way to ease anti-monarchist strains. But, as I watch him coughing weakly into a handkerchief every few moments, I hesitate to cause him any additional distress.
“Emilia.” My father clears his throat and winces, as though that small action causes him a great deal of pain. “I think you forget — you are poised to become one of the most influential queens in the world. Many people will admire you for that fact alone. But you could earn more than their admiration. You could easily earn their adoration as well.”
My head shakes, rejecting his words. “I highly doubt that.”
“Then take another look at that newspaper!” His voice is suddenly intent. “You are just starting out and you’ve already captured the hearts of the press, of the public. That proves you have the natural charisma of a true leader.”
“Look, I just don’t think I’m cut out to beanyone’sleader. I’m twenty years old! My life is a damn mess. No one should be looking to me to make decisions for them.”
“Emilia, even the best leaders doubt themselves. They question whether or not they’re the best person for the job, whether they’ll live up to expectation. That’s only natural. In time, you will learn to trust your own instincts — and your own abilities. You will become the person they believe you can be.”
I glance at the newspaper again, feeling undeniably uncomfortable as I study the image of myself spanning the front page. All those excited faces in the crowd, undeniably enamored with their new princess…
The People’s Princess.
“Everyone else is giving you the benefit of the doubt,” Linus murmurs quietly. “Why is it so difficult for you to do the same?”
I shake my head, unable to speak. There’s a new lump in my throat made of anxiety and something else — something I don’t want to look at too closely, just yet.
“They believe in you. I believe in you.” Linus’ voice is even softer now. “Why can’t you believe in yourself?”
“I don’t know, okay?” The words are so thick I can barely get them out. “I don’t know.”
“Well, I suggest you take a good long look in the mirror and figure it out.” He coughs again, sounding wretched. As though he’s drowning on the fluid in his lungs. As though any given breath he takes could also be his last. “Sooner than later, my dear.”