He flinches almost imperceptibly, but doesn’t balk. “Because… she asked me to.”
“What?”
“Your mother asked me to leave.”
No. He’s lying.
“That’s not what she told me.”
“No, I wouldn’t imagine so. I’m sure she told you I was a scoundrel and a rake, a middle-aged man with a wandering eye who seduced a woman too young for him by about twenty years.” He sighs. “And that is all true. However, it is not the full story. And it is not the reason I did not raise you as my daughter.”
“Then why?”
“Your mother wanted nothing to do with this life. Not me or my familial obligations, not the pretension or the pomp, not the strict rules and restrictions that come along with the crown. None of it.” He pauses. “She was a free spirit. An artist. She would’ve been utterly miserable, confined within the role of Duchess of Hightower. I’m sure you can see that.”
“But, you could’ve left her and still…”
“Still claimed you,” he finishes for me. “You’re correct. I could have. But your mother asked for complete separation. Aclean cut, she called it. A chance for you to have a totally normal life, without any of this to bog you down.”
“And you agreed? Just like that?”
“Regardless of what you might think of me… I loved your mother very much. I would’ve done anything she asked of me. Even cut myself out of her life. Even walk away from my chance to raise my own child.”
“And I suppose you never regretted that choice, seeing as you married Octavia a few short years later and got two brand new step-kids to fill that father-shaped void in your life.”
He sighs deeply, regret twisting his features. “I wish, daily, that I had chosen to do things differently. These past few weeks… to see the fine woman you have grown into, to witness the way you have handled an unprecedented situation with grace and poise, when a lesser person might’ve crumbled beneath the pressure… it has been a source of both great pride and deep remorse.”
I pull in a stunned breath. Much as I’d love to pretend his words have no effect on me, I can’t. My father is standing there saying things I’ve waited my whole life to hear. And maybe it makes me weak for even listening, maybe it makes me a fool for believing a word he says, after the things he’s done in the past…
But it’s no use.
You’re such an idiot,I scold myself, even as my heart clenches and my eyes begin to sting.Not everyone deserves a second chance.
“Emilia.” Linus takes a step forward, so we’re chest to chest, and reaches down to gather my limp hands within his own. It’s the closest we’ve ever come to an embrace. “I know you never would’ve chosen this path for yourself. But I truly believe that is why you are meant to take it.” He pauses a beat. “A very wise woman once told me, ‘Those who actively seek out power are those who least deserve to wield it.’”
“Mom,” I whisper, voice breaking. “Mom said that.”
He nods. “I’ve never forgotten.”
“Give a crown to a king, he will treat the world as commoners. Give a crown to a common man, he will treat the world like kings,” I recite from memory, smiling even though I want to cry.
“I vow to you, Emilia…” Linus breaks off, a painful cough rattling through his chest, but manages to gather himself again. “I will try to be the kind of king she would be proud of. However short my reign.”
A tear rolls down my cheek. I hear Mom’s voice in my head, mingling with his.
I love you, pure heart.
Stay bold.
My chin lifts. Eyes glossy, I hold his stare for a long moment. There’s so much to say to him and yet, not a single word materializes on my tongue.
What do you say to the man whose absence has defined your whole life, when he’s finally standing before you, seeking forgiveness?
He smiles softly at me, his own eyes perilously wet, and I know he understands the meaning buried beneath my silence. In truth, I’m still not ready to forgive him for the choices he’s made… even if I’m beginning to understand his justifications in making them.
Our road thus far has been rocky. Fraught with thorny bushes and false turns. But perhaps someday… there’s a chance we can move forward. On a new path, forged by circumstance, with cautious respect from both sides.
Not today.