His six-pack was a chiseled work of art. If I’d met him months ago, I’d have gladly spent the night tracing my tongue along each indentation in a show of my appreciation. But tonight, I wasn’t going to waste any time. I needed him to clear out my mind.
Lexi used to say that I treat sex like a trip to the masseuse or the chiropractor – like a romp between the sheets was nothing more than a good back stretch or spine cracking. I’d always laughed when she’d said it, but deep down I knew it was true. I’d used sex to scratch an itch, nothing more.
Until I’d metFinn, and started to care.
I knew instinctually that sex with him would be different. I also knew thatwhat I was doing with Landon right now couldn’t hold a candle to the fantasies I’d had about being with Finn, let alone compare to what actually sleeping with him might be like.
My grey tank top hit the floor, followed quickly by my bra. Landon’s hands cupped my breasts too clumsily and roughly to even remotely turn me on. He was slobbering on my neck, murmuring between openmouthed kisses.
“You’re so fucking hot, baby.”
“Don’t callme baby,” I said immediately, muscles tensing under his touch.
“Okay.” The slobbering continued as I stood unresponsive, my hands at my sides. “You’re so fucking hot.”
His hands reached for the button on my jeans, and I knew I had to put a stop to this before he went any further.Glumly, I admitted defeat – his touch couldn’t drive Finn out of my mind any more than alcohol or denial could.
I was screwed. And not in the literal, good sense of the word.
“Landon, stop.”
To his credit, he did stop immediately. Some guys probably would have been assholes about it– complaining or even trying to force me to continue. But Landon was understanding when I told him I needed to leave.
“It’s cool,” he said, grinningand running a hand through his messy blond mop of hair. “You ever change your mind, though, you know where to find me.”
I laughed as I put my clothes back on and said goodbye. He wasn’t a bad guy. I knew he’dbe a good boyfriend to someone someday – just not to me.
Thankfully, the walk home was short. I hadn’t worn a jacket to the bar and the temperature had dropped in the hours since I’d left my house.I rubbed my arms with my palms, trying to work some warmth into my limbs as I turned onto my block. To my surprise, a familiar black pickup truck was parked in front of my house.
I approached cautiously, noting that the truck wasstill idling and that Finn was probably sitting inside. I’d stopped just short of the passenger window when I heard the engine cut off abruptly and the driver’s side door flew open.
Finnrounded the front of the truck in a blur, grabbing me by the arm and planting my back flat against the passenger door before I could even formulate a protest. He glared at me, his face mere inches from mine. A muscle worked in his jaw as he tried to get control over his anger.
“What do you think you’re doing? Let me go,Finn,” I glared back at him, tugging my arm from his grasp. “I don’t know what the hell your problem is, but I’m going to scream if you don’t back off.”
“You don’t know what my problem is? That’s perfect,” hebarked out a laugh, but there was no humor in it. His hands ran through his hair in frustration. “You.Youare my fucking problem, Bee.”
He was calling meBeeagain. He’d only done it once before, so I’d dismissed it – but here he was, using it was again. No one ever called me Bee. It had been my mother’s special nickname for me. I decided to let it go, for now; it seemed I had to pick my battles tonight.
“What the hell does that mean?” I asked, incredulous.
“Did you fuck that guy tonight?”
“That is absolutely none of your business! Nowlet me go!”
“NO!”Finn roared in my face, his anger reaching a new high. “I can’t let you go. I can’t. And believe me, I’ve tried really fucking hard. It’s impossible –You’reimpossible.” He blew out a harsh breath, and some of the anger cleared from his face. He seemed defeated, suddenly. “I didn’t know how hard this would be. I wish I could say that if I’d known, it would have made me stay away from you. But I can’t, ‘cause I know that’s not true. There’s literally nothing that would’ve keep me from coming back to you once I’d found you.”
I had no idea what he was talking about at this point.His eyes were wild with a desperate intensity I’d never seen before, and he looked like a man close to his breaking point. Honestly, he was starting to frighten me, and I was dangerously close to delivering a swift kick to his balls and making a getaway.
As I was contemplating escape options, he startled me by gently cupping my face in his hands.Anger shifted to tenderness so rapidly I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment it had happened. His blue eyes pierced mine with a look of steadfast resolve, as if he’d suddenly made a decision about something, and I had the overpowering urge to run far, far away from whatever he was about to say.
“I stayed away from you all week, trying convince myself that I didn’t need you.I knew I should stay away from you, that I shouldn’t pursue this. But then I saw you leaving with that douchebag at The Blue Note and I lost it. I can’t even—the thought that—” He broke off, unable to even say the words. “Did. You. Fuck. Him.” He ground each word out, as if it caused him physical pain to expel them.
“No,” I said, glaring into his dark blue eyes. “Not that it’s any of your business. I can fuck whoever I want,Finn. You certainly do.”
“I haven’t been with anyone since I met you.”
What?!