I wouldn’t be in this mess if it weren’t for you, you little shit. I was home free, they weren’tgonna catch me. You fucked it all up! You made me crash.
A shudder passed through me as I saw myself at age six, trembling on the witness stand as I gave the testimony that condemned him – sealing his fate with a twenty-five year prison sentence and overturning his appeals for a lesser sentence. The hate blazing in his eyes as they led him away in chains and an orange jumpsuit was directed solely at me, as if he could incinerate me with the force of his glare alone.
Thankfully, he had ten more years to rot in prison. I didn’t let myself think about what might happen on the day he was finally released back into society.
I pulled into the driveway next to the old Victorian and tried to collect myself before going inside. Even Lexi, in all her egocentrism, would see through my facade of normalcy if I walked in with tear-glazed eyes and smeared mascara. Flipping down the overhead car mirror, I touched up my makeup and schooled my face into what I hoped would pass as my trademark mask of cool indifference.
It would have to do, for now.
Chapter Six
Almost-Moments
At some point during my shower, I’d decided that tequila was the best way to forget the crushing sadness and grief I’d been suffocating beneath all day. Hair wet and face scrubbed clean of all traces of my earlier tears, I hopped up on the kitchen counter and poured myself a shot. As it burned warmly down my throat, a nagging voice in the back of my mind suggested that alcohol wasn’t really the best way for me to deal with my multitude of issues. I quickly silenced that voice, throwing back two more shots in rapid succession.
When Lexi walked in several minutes later, I was feeling the best I had in weeks. I couldn't forget that today marked thefourteenth anniversary of my mother’s death – it was indelibly imprinted in my soul, ingrained in my DNA – but the tequila helped to dull the pain lancing through my chest and blur the edges of memories I didn’t want to see anymore.
“Ooh, we’re drinking!” Lexi exclaimed, swiping the tequila from my grasp and taking a swig straight from the bottle.
“Give it back, Lex,” I said, reaching out a hand. “I need it more than you do,” I added, muttering under my breath as I reclaimed the bottle and poured a fourth serving for myself. Lexi cheered in support as I threw back the shot.
“What’s this, by the way?” I asked, the tequila burning in my throat as I picked up the sheet of paper lying on the countertop next to me. It was an invoice for E.S. Electric, an electrician based in Charlottesville, according to the document. I wasn’t aware that we’d needed any rewiring done, and I sure as hell hadn’t requested it.
“Oh, this guy came by today,” Lexi said, snatching the bottle back from me and taking another gulp. “Our landlord sent him. Hesaid he had to fix our wiring or something. Don’t even ask me what he did – I don’t speak engineer.”
“Electrician,” I corrected.
“Whatever!” Lexi rolled her eyes.
“Wait, our landlord sent him? The same landlord we had to practically take to court when our toilet broke, because he was so unwilling to fix it? The very guy who didn’t seem to care that the locks on our doors and windows didn’t lock when we first moved in?” I stared at her in shock. “Are you trying to tell me that he voluntarily fixed something and we didn’t even have to complain about it for six months first? And hepaidfor it, too?”
“That’s what I’m telling you,” Lexi grinned at me.
“Well, if that doesn’t call for celebratory shots, I’m not sure what does,” I giggled, reaching out again for the tequila.
Within the hour, Lexi and I had finished off half the bottle and were unabashedly twirling around the kitchen, slurring our words as we serenaded each other along with the radio’s latest hits.
“Lets go out!” Lexi squealed, hauling me towards her bedroom and pushing me down on her bed while shebeelined for her overflowing closet. Too tipsy to argue, I clutched the tequila bottle to my chest like a lifeline and watched her shimmy out of jeans and into a slinky pink halter dress.
“Put this on!” She tossed a bright red scrap of material at my face, followed by a pair of spiky black peep-toe stilettos that nearly took an eye out as they careened past my face andlanded on the bedspread.
Maybe if today hadn’t been what it was, and if I hadn’t already had too much tequila coursing through my veins, I might’ve resisted Lexi’s demands. Then again, it was hard to deter her even in my most sober, mentally-stable mindset.
My head swam as I stood up and removed my jeans, swaying into the wall as I tried to tug off my sweater. Lexi laughed at me when she caught sight of my struggles in the mirror of her vanity, where she was applying makeup with the speed and ease of a professional. By the time I’d managed to pull on the strapless red dress, which was so short on me it must’ve been a shirt on Lexi’s tall frame, she’d finished applying her makeup and began attacking my face with a multitude of brushes and powders.
Fifteen minutes later, we were in a taxi on our way to the bar. In my less-than-sober state, I didn’t think to ask Lexi where we were headed. I knew I shouldn't have been surprised when we pulled to a stop outside Styx, given Lexi’s newfound love interest, yet I was still shocked that she’d bring me back here. By the time I’d managed to formulate any kind of objection, Lexi had tossed a twenty to the driver and yanked me from the backseat, leaving me standing openmouthed as I watched the cab’s taillights disappear around a corner.
“Lexi, you’ve got to be kidding me,” I said, spinning around to face her and nearly falling flat on my face as my heels caught the pavement.Note to self: pivoting in five-inch stilettos while intoxicated is highly inadvisable.
Lexi laughed at me and shrugged, clearly unapologetic. “The band is great, the drinks are cheap, and it’s not like you even have to talk toFinn. Jesus, Brookie, you make it seem like the boy is some kind of obsessed stalker who steals your used tissues and photographs your every movement,” she rolled her eyes at the thought. “Seriously, he’s probably forgotten you by now. I mean, have youseenthe boy? He’s not exactly hurting for attention.”
Ouch.
As bitchy as Lexi had sounded, I had to agree that when she laid it all out there like that, my actions over the last two weeksdidseem a little ridiculous. It was probably presumptuous, arrogant even, to assume I’d so much as crossed his radar – let alone that he wanted to be friends with me. I’d likely been avoiding him for no reason at all. Suddenly, I felt as brainless as one of his drooling groupies.
“Damn, I hate it when you’re right,” I complained, linking my arm through Lexi’s as we bypassed the crowd waiting to get in and approached the bouncer.
“Billy!” Lexi squealed in greeting, placing a swift peck on the cheek of the obscenely muscular man guarding the door. I had no idea how Lexi knew him, but he immediately pulled aside the velvet rope to allow us inside. Lexi blew him a kiss as we cut the line and disappeared through the doors. I waved playfully at the line of club-goers still awaiting admittance, and their answering groans of complaint were quickly drowned out by an amplified voice that sent chills racing down my spine.