“Not that kind of balance, asshole. I’m talking about a work-life balance. You should work in order to live, rather than live only to work.”
“You get that off a greeting card?”
I throw a pillow at his head. It his him square in the face. Sitting up, he growls as he squishes it in his grip. His eyes are shining with the promise of retaliation. “You sure you want to start a pillow fight with me, Hunt? Guarantee you won’t win.”
My pulse is thready and my mouth is strangely dry at the prospect of Conor beingplayfulwith me. Letting loose, laughing. Things I never in a million years thought the two of us would ever do, based on the way we butt heads. But as he sits there looking at me like that… so gorgeous in the dim light…
He really and truly takes my breath away.
“Well?” he prompts, the pillow held aloft.
“No,” I breathe. “I surrender.”
“Chickenshit.”
“Didn’t you say something about wanting to sleep?”
“Oh, you want to sleepnow? After waking me up to ask me about a wedding?”
I blush. “It’s not really about the wedding. I was just… curious, I guess. About you. About this job. About…”
“What, Shelby?”
“Why… Whyme?”
“I don’t follow.”
“I just… I’m finding it hard to believe. Of all the cases you’ve ever worked…I’mthe one that made you question your ability to do your job properly.”
His teasing smile falls away, replaced by a serious look. “You may find it hard to believe, but it’s the truth. I didn’t lie to you. I won’t ever lie to you.”
“No, that’s not what I meant at all—”
He cuts me off. “I’ve been doing this job for a long time, first in New York, now here in Boston. It’s all I’ve ever been good at. And, like I told you before, it’s all I have. My parents weren’t exactly thrilled when I walked away from their plans for me back in California. They cut me off when I told them I was applying for the FBI Academy after my college graduation, instead of helping manage the chain of car washes my father owns.”
I blink. “I cannot picture you running a car wash empire.”
“Yeah, well, neither could I. That’s why I left.” His eyes get distant. “I thought New York would feel like home, but it never quite fit. That’s why I took the transfer up here. It wasn’t about wanting a fresh start in a new city. I simply had nothing tying me there. No unbreakable relationships, no permanent roots. I figured one zip code was as good as another. Simple as filling out a change-of-address card. Because for me, home is just a place to crash. That’s it. And when I’m there, I’m usually wishing I could be out in the field instead.”
“Your job is your life,” I murmur.
He nods. “You talk about a work-life balance… but for the past decade, since I was a twenty-two-year-old kid, this job has been all I’ve thought about. It’s come before everything — before family, before relationships, before friendships or holidays or vacations. I’ve put my career first and never blinked an eye about it. Never even come close to questioning the decision.” He sucks in a breath. “Until your case came across my desk.”
My eyes widen.
“You are the only thing that has ever made me second-guess myself. The only case I’ve ever gotten so invested in… I couldn’t do my job. Couldn’t trust myself to make the right call, when it came down to it.”
I don’t even know what to say. Whether I should apologize for making him doubt his own abilities or do cartwheels around the room because,holy freaking shit,if he’s saying what I think he’s saying…
“You’re more than a case, Shelby Hunt. You’re more than the job,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to the hair at my temple. “You are the exception to every rule I’ve ever written for myself. And it scares the ever-living shit out of me.”
I turn my face into his shoulder to hide the fact that I’m crying.
He’s the bravest man I’ve ever known.
He’s not scared of anything.
But he’s scared of the way he feels about me.