His eyes flash. “Tell me again how youaren’tjealous?”
My voice drops to an intent whisper. “I’m. Not. Mother. Fudging. Jealous.”
“Well, you’re afuckingliar.” He runs his hands through his hair, exasperated. “Christ, even if I was going to screw her, it wouldn’t be your fucking business,right? Because we’re over,right? Because, as you keep insisting, we’re nothing to each other.RIGHT, FELICITY?”
“Don’t yell at me!”
“Don’t do shit to piss me off and I won’t yell!” He roars at top volume, striding closer, face full of rage.
I can’t help it — I flinch back, a long-ingrained instinct. Memories of black eyes and bruised ribs, shattered lamps and punched walls flood through me in a tidal wave. No matter how many years pass, a part of me will always be that little girl ducking for cover somewhere out of reach, seeking reprieve from that black, all-encompassing rage that used to stalk the halls of my childhood home.
A monster in the shape of the man who was supposed to protect me from them.
Ryder recognizes the fear on my face and goes totally still. The room is so silent, I can hear my own heartbeat racing inside my veins. When my eyes lift to his face, I see he’s pale with shock and hurt.
“You’re…” He swallows. “You’rescaredof me?” He looks down at his hands, curled into angry fists, like they belong to a stranger. The horrified look intensifies. “You think I’d ever hurt you? Hit you?”
The sudden agony in his voice is more than I can take. Before I can stop myself, I reach out and lay a hand on his bare arm. The feeling — skin on skin — sends a jolt through us both.
“No, Ryder.” My flight response has dissipated, reason returning on wings of regret. “I know you’d never hurt me. Not like that.”
The fresh flare of pain in his eyes is unmistakable. He yanks his arm out from beneath my grip. “Not likethat. Meaning you don’t trust me not to hurt you other ways.”
I look pointedly at the door over his shoulder.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Felicity. I’ve never seen that girl before in my life! I came out of the shower and she was sitting there. If I had to guess, she wandered into my room looking for Linc or Aiden.”
“Oh…” My cheeks flame with mortification as I realize I’ve been a wee bit presumptuous. I want to look away from his eyes, but I can’t escape them. They’re holding me captive.
“Yeah.Oh.Maybe if you ever gave me the benefit of the doubt before bolting, we could’ve asked her what she was doing in my room. But, as usual, you ran.” He shakes his head. “Tonight, two years ago… You run every damn time you get scared, Felicity.”
“Last time—”
“Enough about last time. Enough about the past.Enough.” He’s breathing hard, his voice vibrating with intensity. “What do you feel, Felicity? When you’re with me, when we’re together on stage and the world boils down to just you and me and the music… what do you feel?”
Everything.
Past, present, future.
Empty, full, complete.
Pain, anger, love.
I look at him and I feel everything.
He leans in, his chiseled features beautiful despite his simmering fury. “You might not be able to admit it, but I see it in your eyes. I’m getting better at looking beyond that wall you’ve got up, baby. And I know the truth. You still care. Despite all your indifference, despite the brave face you put on… this dance we’re doing here is burning you just as much as it’s burning me.”
I don’t deny it. There’s no use. My mouth gapes to form words that never make it past my lips.
“Felicity.” He takes a step closer, moving so cautiously it breaks my heart. “I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this. I don’t know how much longer I can withstand this hell before we’re both reduced to ash and bone.”
He looks run-down, ragged with need. Physical, emotional. As though the craving is immolating him from the inside out.
I know exactly how he feels.
My eyes flicker down to his chest and finally, up close, I can see his new tattoo properly. It’s tiny — just five simple letters — but they knock the wind out of me.
Wilde.