I freeze, my hand on the knob.
“Get out of my way.”Ryder.
“Give her a minute.”Linc. “Can’t you see she’s upset?”
“You can move or I will move you, Travers.”
“That a threat, Woods?”
“A fucking promise.”
“You’re both being idiots.”Aiden. “Give her some time, Ry. Let her get herself together. She was…” His throat clears. “I’ve never seen her like that. Never seen her cry, even after the shit with her mom the other night.”
I don’t want to listen anymore, to hear them discussing the utter spectacle I’ve just made of myself. I push out into the hallway, walking toward the abandoned dressing rooms. Tomorrow, this will be a hub of activity, but right now it’s totally quiet as I slip inside a storage closet and sink down into as small a ball as I can manage, my spine pressed against a shelf full of cords and various sound equipment.
I hold the heels of my hands against my eyes, hoping it’ll stem the flow of stupid tears still sliding down my cheeks, but they don’t seem to want to subside, even after five minutes of deep breathing exercises.
This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I feel like I’m losing my mind a little more each day, pieces of my soul stripping away as I force myself to fit my sharp edges into a perfectly round peg, provided courtesy of Route 66 Records.
Smile pretty. Take a bow. Pose.
Act like you love him.
Act like you even have to act like you love him.
I want to leave this tour and never look back, before I lose myself completely. I want to go home. But I can’t — it doesn’t exist.
I have an empty cottage on the outskirts of civilization.
I have an empty plot of land where a mansion once stood.
I do not have a home. Not anymore.
Because I built my home out of a man, not a place. And, in the absence of his love, I am cut adrift, a wandering waif without a place to lay her head.
The knock is so soft, I almost don’t hear it. He doesn’t wait for an invitation — he knows me well enough to realize I won’t give one. The door cracks open, letting in a shaft of light as he steps over the threshold. He settles on the floor a few feet away from where I sit, curled with my knees to my chest, my forehead resting on my kneecaps. He kicks the door back closed with his foot, shutting us in the darkness together.
“Hey.”
The first word I ever heard from his lips, so many moons ago. It zips along my skin, a bolt of electricity.
“Hey,” I whisper miserably. “Just give me a second, I’ll come back out—”
“Don’t bother. I told Linc and Aiden to leave. We’re done for today.”
I keep my head buried in my arms. “But the soundcheck…”
“We’ll come early tomorrow. Make sure everything is ready to roll. It’s not a big deal, Felicity.”
He’s being so nice, it makes me want to cry all over again.
“So, you want to tell me what that was about?” He hesitates a beat. “I know things with you and me aren’t ideal…”
My voice is small. “It’s not just that.”
“Okay. Then what?”
“I don’t think I can tell you about this.”