“I’m going to go claim a bunk as far from Lincoln’s snores as I can get.” Carly’s eyes dart from me to Ryder and back again. “You two… get some rest.”
She turns to leave us, and a bolt of panic shoots through me at the thought of being alone with him for the first time since our pre-show fight.
“Carly—”
Too late.She’s already halfway down the hall, disappearing into the small bathroom by the bunks. Standing with Ryder in the dim light of the kitchen, my heart is full of so many contradictory feelings, there’s hardly room for all of them at once. Between our heated words, the concert, and my mother’s appearance… I can hardly sort out one emotion from the next.
“I guess I’ll turn in, too,” I murmur.
He grunts noncommittally, not shifting from his spot.
I take a few steps toward the hall, closing some of the distance between us in the process. He doesn’t move toward me, but I feel his eyes on my skin like a physical weight, tracing the lines of my body as if to reassure himself I’m still standing here.
My feet falter.
My eyes lift to his.
My voice trembles out.
“Thank you, Ryder.”
If possible, he goes even stiller. “Don’t thank me, Felicity.”
My brows lift at the hard edge in his voice. “Why not? You saved me, out there.”
“It’s my fault she was here in the first place.” The whisper is fragmented, so low I can hardly make out his words.
“What do you mean?” My heart starts to pound. “How is it your fault?”
“The only reason she knew how to find you was because of this tour. Because I dragged you back to this life.”
I glance up into his face, reading the lines of guilt etched there. The pain in his eyes is so stark, it stops me in my tracks.
“First of all, you didn’t drag me back, Ryder. Route 66 did.” I sigh and run my hands through my hair. “Secondly, this isn’t my first run-in with my parents. Not by a long shot. Why do you think I was using a fake ID when I first met you? I’ve been trying to escape them for a long time. Coming back here… I knew the risks.”
“Maybe. But I’m the one who dragged you into the spotlight the first time around. If you’d never met me… you’d be safe.”
“Ryder…” My voice catches in my throat as my eyes move over his face. I want to step forward until this distance between us disappears. To feel his arms close around me, pulling me tight against his chest.
I used to think his arms were the safest place in the whole world.
“You don’t get to take all the blame for this. When we got that record deal, I could’ve said no. I could’ve walked away. But I didn’t.” I shrug. “I made my own choices. Ichosethis life.”
I chose you.
He’s staring at me and the look on his face is filled with so much longing, I nearly fall to my knees at his feet and beg him to make me forget all the reasons we aren’t together, all the wrong turns we’ve taken that led us away from each other.
Just for tonight. Just for a few hours, in his arms.
But I don’t. I can’t. Not with a bus-load of people around us. Not when I know things will be different tomorrow, in the harsh light of day.
“Goodnight, Felicity,” he says carefully.
“Goodnight, Ryder,” I whisper, equally cautious.
Neither of us moves.
You’ve said goodnight.