“Caught that, did you?” She laughs. “Tell me honestly — why are you up here alone, instead of fixing things with a man who clearly still thinks the sun rises and sets on your command?”
“Carly,” I warn. “That’s not even remotely—”
Her hands lift. “Save the lecture. I know what you’re going to say, anyway.”
My brows quirk in question.
“The wind in the moors is blowing again!”
My eyes roll. “Hilarious.”
“Betwixt the stars and his eyes, there is no compare, though resist I must!”
“This is getting rather old.”
“The moon’s pull is but a pale imitation of his allure, but woebegone I shall be, rather than risk my heart again!”
“Carly.”
“Sorry, I’m done now.” The mischievous glint in her eyes fades a little, when she sees the look on my face. “You know I’m just teasing, right?”
“Are you, though?” I shake my head. “I don’t think you understand.”
“Explain it, then.”
“If I give in to — how did you phrase it? — hisgravitational pull…” I run my hands through my hair in frustration, searching for the right words to make her understand. “If I let myself fall back into Ryder’s arms like I did last time, it’s going to end the exact same way: with misery. Far more of it than I’m feeling now.”
“You sure about that? ‘Cause you look pretty damn miserable, considering you’re about to embark on a sold-out tour, living a dream any musician on the planet would kill for.”
“Notanymusician,” I say quietly.
“Fair enough. I know this life wasn’t ever something you wanted. And, contrary to what you seem to think, I’m just trying to help you, Felicity. If I see you ignoring a path that would lead you to happiness, what kind of friend would I be not to give you a push in that direction?”
“Why are you so sure he and I would work, this time?”
“Why areyouso sure you wouldn’t?” she counters.
“Need I remind you of the DUIs? The parade of girls on his arm? The drugged out haze he stumbled around in for nearly a year, if the photos and headlines I saw were any indication?” I take a deep breath through my nose. “Even if the tabloids embellished — he wasn’t exactly a choir boy after I left LA.”
“That’s just it —after you left.” Her words are low, intent. “You’re holding him accountable for something he did when you weren’t even together. How is that fair?”
“Fair? What a joke.None of this is fair.” My eyes are abruptly full of tears, my voice cracking. “You think it’sfairthat I fell in love with a man who turned down theonlypath where I’d never be able to follow? You think it’s fair that I’m somehow destined to live my parents’ life all over again, despite doing everything in my power to escape it?” A tear rolls down my cheek. “That’s notfair, Carly. That’s the universe laughing at me for thinking I had a shot at something better.”
She doesn’t say anything; she just hops up on the countertop beside me and bumps her shoulder against mine. Letting me know, even without words, that she’s here for me — whether we see things eye-to-eye or not.
“He’s sober now,” she says softly after a minute. “Does that make any difference at all?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper back honestly. I’ve been asking myself the same thing for the past two weeks, since his revelation. There’s a long beat of silence as I weigh my words. “Last time, when I confronted him about the drugs, he told me he’d stop. He said he was done… and got arrested for cocaine possession not even two days later.” My eyes press closed. “So, I guess… it’s not just a matter of knowing he’s stopped. It’s trusting he won’t start again.”
“Ah, trust. That elusive little bastard.” Carly sighs deeply. “For what it’s worth — and it may not be worth much — I don’t think you’re destined to follow in your parents’ footsteps, Felicity. You’re too strong for that. It’s something I’ve always admired about you.”
“Then why does your tone sound so anxious?”
Her lips twist. “I can’t help worrying you’resostrong,soself-contained… you’ll isolate yourself completely.”
“Self-sufficiency isn’t a crime, Carly.”
“No.” She pauses. “But just because you’re tough enough to bear all of life’s burdens alone, doesn’t mean you’resupposedto. It might seem safer to hold everyone at arm’s length… but I’d guess it’s also pretty damn lonely in the long run.”