I keep my eyes directed out at the crowd as we start to play, strumming the song that first made us famous. Maybe it’s the magic of this particular track, maybe it’s the fact that we’re doing it acoustic, without Linc or Aiden to back us up… I can’t say with certainty. But when the first verse starts, when his voice begins to rasp out, I find I can’t keep up the careful wall between us the way I’ve done during rehearsals with the guys. I can’t sing like he’s a stranger.
My guards fall away as my eyes lock on his. The air thrums with the heavy baggage of our past, the broken promise of our future.
And Ryder sings.
Saw you in the crowd the other day
You were ten years older, ten years colder
When your gaze wandered my way…
His orbit is too strong… and I’m a star untethered, being pulled in by his gravity with every note and chord. Somehow, I force my lips to form the words, the verse tumbling from my mouth like teardrops down cheeks.
Wish that I could tell you that you’re hated
All those tears I cried, ‘cause you never tried
And still, for years, I waited…
We hit the bridge and the audience joins in, dozens of voices adding their weight to ours, but I barely hear them. I’m caught up in the man beside me as our voices meld together in perfect harmony.
’Cause love don’t burn out, even though you’re gone
And hate don’t come just ‘cause you write it in a song.
Two years later, the lyrics hold haunting new relevance.
Sure it’s sad but it isn’t complicated…
You’re my only memory that never faded…
You never faded… Oh…
The last notes trail off.
Our fingers go still.
Our voices go quiet.
A world away, I hear the audience screaming. I hear Eileen speaking. But we’re lost in each other, leaning in like two magnets. In his eyes, I see the life we never got to live. A little blue box in a bedside table. In my heart, I feel the sorrow of a million sleepless nights in my cold, empty bed.
He’s right here — so close, I could reach out and touch him. And somehow, still a whole galaxy away.
We’re over.
We’re over.
We’re over.
Tears spring to my eyes, unbidden. Seeing them, Ryder’s face contorts into a mask of pain. He takes a step in my direction, an automatic reflex to seeing me hurt. Because even though things are still a mess between us — frozen and stilted and sharp-edged with loss — his first urge is to comfort me.
Right now, just in this moment…
I’m feeling off-balance enough to let him.
When Eileen appears abruptly in the space between us, breaking our eye contact, reality comes crashing down with the force of a sledgehammer.
“That was divine! Absolutely amazing!” She’s beaming so bright, it’s practically blinding. “God, that song has me reaching for the tissues every time I hear these two sing it. How ‘bout you guys?”